


Happy to Die for a Taste

by brokenlittleboy



Series: Commissions [6]
Category: Supernatural, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barebacking, Bottom Jared, First Time, Football Captain Jensen, High School, Internalized Homophobia, Introvert Jared Padalecki, M/M, Nipple Play, Romance, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Theater Nerd Jared, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-21
Updated: 2018-11-21
Packaged: 2019-08-26 21:02:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 33,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16688788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brokenlittleboy/pseuds/brokenlittleboy
Summary: Jared is a freshman at Aspen High content to get through high school unnoticed. His plans go awry when a new student, Jensen Ackles, messes everything up. Things only go from bad to worse when Jared not only has to act in the school play with Jensen, but kiss him, too.





	Happy to Die for a Taste

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gigiasa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gigiasa/gifts).



> This fic is a commission for the lovely Asa (oh-deaths) that got out of hand lol! It's triple the length it was supposed to be. I was sad to finish, I got attached to these boys <3
> 
> Also, to any "Rent" superfans out there, I took some creative liberties with the story/play. Please forgive me.
> 
> Also some liberties with high school scheduling. Shit's hard, dude!

 

 

Jared has gone to Aspen High long enough to understand how things work.

 

He’d thought cliques were a movie thing, or hell, just a glamor thing, like all the kids who went to shiny high schools in New York City got to enjoy them and no one else did.

 

He was clearly wrong, though, considering he went to a cramped high school built in the bad end of the 1960s in the smallest, stupidest town of Bumfuck, Texas, and life was a neverending nightmare of pain and misery.

 

Well, that was being a bit dramatic--he was a theatre nerd, after all--but he stood by it. The girls whose daddies were crappy attornies with sexual assault felonies all stuck together in herds of Ugg boots (seriously? In Texas? In August?). The sport kids… they weren’t the brightest bunch, and their parents would scream at teachers about disrespecting “their babies.” Yeah. Not fun.

 

Everyone else pretty much kept to themselves, but even normal kids crowded to birds of a feather, too. There were the weeaboos, the scene kids, the DnD kids. Suburban garden variety groups.

 

Jared wouldn’t call himself an outsider, but he didn’t really see himself as a member of any group. The de facto theatre kids fucked all the time and Jared felt all weird around them. He didn’t really have a title in the grand scheme of things, which was honestly a blessing.

 

It meant he got ignored.

 

He’d seen awful bullying and peer pressure. He’d seen some of the stupidest drama this side of Dallas. It didn’t make sense to him. It was all so… nonsense. People making something up because they were bored and it bit them in the ass. Rinse and repeat.

 

Jared may bitch and moan all he wanted, but he stayed sane thanks to Chad and Sandy. Chad and Sandy were his two best friends. Jared was friendly with some theatre kids and some kids from his biology class, but the only two people who have ever been to his house and knew his embarrassing eating habits were Chad and Sandy. He’d known them since they were all tots and boy, it showed.

 

Anyway. Jared knew how Aspen High worked. He was familiar with the whole shebang, the cycles of drama and assemblies on peer pressure and school breaks and pranks. He wasn’t a fan of it, but he knew how to survive. He made it through the first month no issue.

 

Just four more years of this. Four more years, and then he could go to UT Austin to be an actor. Or an engineer. Or go to NYU. He didn’t know. But his grades weare good, and he thought he had a shot.

 

One stupid kid ruined all of that. 

 

Okay… dramatic again. 

 

But this fucking kid. 

 

It was dumb, but Jared had a routine, and Jared loved routine. Routine kept the panic attacks away. If he kept running in his hamster wheel, he didn’t have to have any shitty social interactions or get bothered by strangers. Chad learned not to force him to go to any stoner parties. Jared was happy how he was, he could swear on it. He just wanted to be left alone.

 

Enter Jensen Ackles.

 

Dumb kid, dumb freckles, dumb name, dumb dude, or at least Jared suspected so. Jensen was a transfer. He was in Jared’s English class, and he explained in a low, thick drawl that had all the panties in the room wet in a heartbeat that he was from “jus’ outside a’ Dallas, sir.”

 

He came complete with a varsity jacket and fancy new shoes. Everyone was fighting over him in seconds like dogs. Mister new, mister mysterious, mister popular.

 

So another person to ignore Jared, and another person for Jared to try to ignore.

 

That much was fine. So what. Jared didn’t need to buy into the gossip surrounding the new kid. He had better things to do with his time.

 

Like go to theater club, which met from the time of the last school bell until well after sunset. It was time consuming but it was pretty much his life. He loved the shows they put on, and he loved his teacher, Mrs. Newton. And even though Chad and Sandy were headed toward pretty different walks of life, they were in the club, too. And, okay, so the theater kids were intense, and, like, sexual, but they were nice. They’d bring in pizza sometimes. They didn’t side-eye Jared, and they didn’t invite him to their orgies.

 

It was a symbiotic relationship.

 

Except this time, when Jared went to theater club, the Aspen Players had a new addition.

 

Jensen fucking Ackles.

 

Literally holding a football in the crook of his elbow. Like, what the heck? Who did that? Who had the nerve to lean against the stage like that, all carefree in his acid washed jeans? Also, wasn’t football practice going on right now?

 

Jared had a lot of questions, but he was content to angrily rehash them in his head before going to sleep that night instead of starting some god awful actual real life confrontation. He got his things and got to work.

 

Mrs. Newton clapped her hands, grabbing everyone’s attention. All eyes went to her. “Alright, fellow players,” she began in her musical voice, “we have a new member joining us for our next production. Would you like to introduce yourself, young man?”

 

Jensen bobbed his head, stepping forward. “Uh, hi, y’all,” he said, speaking up. He cleared his throat. “I’m Jensen. You’ve probably heard that I’m new around here. I’m on JV with the Mountain Lions, but I’ll be here once a week to help with the production. I’m glad to be here. Thanks.”

 

Jensen bobbed his head again and backed off. He was met with scattered applause. Jared was not one of the participants.

 

Once a week. That wasn’t enough time to go over lines. Hell, if Jensen wanted an acting role, he had another thing coming. Once a week was the amount of time you put in when you wanted something on a college application, nothing more. Jared had him sussed out. He was not interested.

 

Since it was still fairly early into the year, the Aspen Players were still in the early stages (pun intended) of putting on this year’s play,  _ Rent _ . They were printing scripts, getting costumes, and figuring out how to use the sets to morph the stage into the projects of New York.

 

Auditions were next week.

 

Jared had been preparing. The only time he didn’t feel socially anxious or like he wanted to die was when he was delivering a monologue. He knew it was weird, sue him, but it worked. 

 

He’d had the lead role in a little community production in middle school, he was from a family of thespians, and Mrs. Newton loved him. He pretty much had the role he wanted in the bag. And,  _ Rent _ had an ensemble cast, so even if he didn’t get his first choice, the others were still pretty good. Especially Angel. Angel was interesting.

 

Today’s agenda was a read through with roles pulled out of a hat, just to get a feel for the pacing of the play. Most theater kids were already familiar with  _ Rent _ , but it was good to stay fresh on these things. 

 

Mrs. Newton handed the worn top hat to Jared, who held it out with a flourish. “Alright, kiddos,” he said, beaming. “Time to get your number.”

 

One by one, students came and plucked a piece of paper from the hat, unfolding it to get their role. When everyone had a role, they sat in a circle onstage. Mrs. Newton hurried off to play some quiet jazz music over the auditorium speakers, which she claimed was the key to “focus and success.”

 

“Who is who?” Mrs. Newton asked. “Jonas, you start.”

 

A curly-haired boy across the circle from Jared looked over at Mrs. Newton. “Mark,” he said.

 

Around they went. Jared kind of tuned things out until it was his turn. He grinned. “Mimi,” he said. She was one of his favorites.

 

Jensen was the last to speak up. He had Roger. Jared sighed inwardly. Great. Roger had the most speaking and singing lines in the whole damn thing. Jared wondered how this would go over.

 

Mrs. Newton came and sat near Jared. She started tapping the tip of one plum-colored heel against the stage linoleum to the beat of the jazz music. “Alright, everyone, get into your head spaces,” she said, and began to bob her head to the music. “Close your eyes. Count your breaths. In for three, out for three. Do it with me now… one, two, three… one, two, three…”

 

Jared loved this part. He straightened his back, tilted his head back, and breathed in time with Mrs. Newton. He cracked his knuckles. He cleared his thoughts. Good. This was his happy place. He wasn’t just Jared. He could be anyone he wanted to. He could be someone brave.

 

He opened his eyes, now relaxed, shoulders loose, and found Jensen hunched over awkwardly, eyes still open. Their eyes met and Jared shot him a glare. Jensen looked down and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. 

 

It wasn’t long before Mrs. Newton clapped her hands again and urged them to start from the top. Sandy, who’d drawn the role of “narrator,” coughed once and began to speak with a soothing and even cadence. Jared let himself fall into the story, imagining the snowy city streets.

 

Jonas began Mark’s monologue. Jared liked Jonas; Jonas had a very Shakespearean acting method, turning everything serious and moody all at once.

 

Jensen spoke up as Roger. He mimed playing a guitar. “This won’t tune,” he said.

 

Jonas and Jensen spoke back and forth in the opening banter between friends. Jared found himself hanging onto every word. As much as he was loathe to admit it, Jensen was… good. He was different from Jonas, from the typical theater kid. He kind of spoke the lines like a Hollywood actor--naturally and with humility. When Jared read ahead, he began reading Roger’s lines in Jensen’s voice.

 

Jared’s turn came shortly thereafter. The electricity was off in Mimi’s apartment, so Newton dimmed the lights for affect. Jared made his voice higher, but not offensively so, and sang-spoke the lines. He tried to downplay the stress, like Mimi didn’t want Roger to know how much it affected her.

 

Mimi was Roger’s love interest; Jensen and Jared invariably had to interact. Mimi’s very first scene was a song with Roger. 

 

They weren’t supposed to sing for the first read through, but Rent was one of Jared’s favorite musicals and he couldn’t help but show off. 

 

Jensen matched him word for word.

 

The rest of the group was silent. Jared couldn’t look at Jensen, but he could feel Jensen’s eyes on him. His voice shook as he read the next lines--the stage directions here had Roger and Mimi getting closer and closer, and he could feel himself leaning toward Jensen.

 

Roger was extremely worried for Mimi. Jensen was brilliant. It sounded like he was a gentle soul, like he cared for Jared--for Mimi--and Jared couldn’t help but respond. 

 

The scene ended faster than he would have liked, switching to other duo dynamics in the ensemble. Jared didn’t look up, but even when they weren’t performing, he could feel Jensen’s eyes on him.

 

***

 

Chad and Jared walked home together from school that day. 

 

“Dude,” Chad said, panting as he jog-walked beside Jared’s long-legged pouty power walking, “what was up with you and Ackles?”

 

“I don’t know what you mean,” Jared sniped back, adjusting his grasp on his backpack.

 

Chad snorted loud enough to make a dog bark somewhere in the neighborhood. “You two were like, electric.”

 

Jared blushed and is grateful it was dark enough that Chad couldn’t see it. “He’s just a decent actor,” he said. “I responded to that.”

 

“‘Responded,’” Chad mocked. He slapped Jared on the arm. “You have a crush.”

 

“What? No!” Jared was genuinely angry, and a little surprised. Sure, Jensen impressed him, but he genuinely did not have a crush on him. If anything, Jared went from being indifferent to Jensen’s presence in the school to downright irritated. “He’s the worst.”

 

“Oh.” Chad wasn’t an asshole; he could tell when Jared was being serious. Jared didn’t like that Chad fell quiet then. “See you tomorrow?”

 

“See you tomorrow,” Jared sighed. He and Chad did their super secret signature handshake and fistbump before Chad turned down a different street, heading home.

 

Jared walked the rest of the way alone, frowning and obsessing over theater practice.

 

***

 

Jared sat at the lunch table with Chad and Sandy. They were by the cafeteria doors. Their table--which they pretty much owned by now--was half broken and only seated enough room for four, three and a half, really. It was situtated in an awkward nichey-alcovey thing with no other tables. People left them alone. Sometimes Chad or Sandy’s friends would say hi, or beg them to come sit elsewhere, but Chad and Sandy always stayed with him.

 

They had a good view of the rest of the cafeteria. Jared nibbled idly on his sandwich as he watched Cassie T., one of the blonde, bubbly cheerleaders, adjust her top ponytail and strut over to where Jensen was putting ketchup on a hot dog. 

 

Jensen turned when Cassie touched him on the shoulder, eyebrows shooting up. Jared couldn’t see Cassie’s face but he could see her shoulders moving up and down--and squaring back, displaying cleavage--and could tell she was putting on the charm hard. 

 

Jensen nodded along, smiling, but Jared noted that he wasn’t really reciprocating. He wasn’t leaning forward, not narrowing his eyes or whatever. He looked stiff as a board, his smile coming out as more of a grimace.

 

Still, he took Cassie’s hand while she led him over to one of the popular tables, where other cheerleaders and football players sat. Jensen was greeted with some claps and whoops and Jared rolled his eyes.

 

So new boy was a bit awkward. Big whoop. The socialites here probably just found it endearing.

 

“Jay, what is up with you?” Sandy’s voice shook Jared out of his reverie. He turned and blinked at her.

 

“Sorry.”

 

She leaned to the right, peering over Jared’s shoulder to see what he’d been staring at. “Why do you care about the cheer fear squad?” she asked.

 

Jared sighed, running his fingers through his hair and making what was already a mess even messier. “I just don’t get why Jensen’s in fucking Aspen Players with us,” he said.

 

“This again,” Chad said. “He’s only going to be around once a week.”

 

“Exactly!” Jared exclaimed. “He’s gonna get a good role just for being pretty and good at acting, and then he’s never gonna show up. How are we gonna put on a show?”

 

“That’s a lot of gonnas,” Sandy teased.

 

Jared huffed. Before he could speak in his own defense, Chad rolled his eyes loudly enough to shut him up. “Dude, I know you think you found your mortal enemy or something, but chill. He’ll probably quit to bang Cassie T. and Cassie F. at the same time and be gone in a week.”

 

Jared glanced over at the other table again, where Jensen sat on the end eating his hotdog. “I sure hope so,” he said. At Sandy and Chad’s twin looks of concern--he must’ve sounded a little too downtrodden--he turned back to his sandwich and asked Sandy a question about her plans for being a STEM major to get her to ramble excitedly.

 

For the rest of lunch, he steered conversation away from himself and let Sandy and Chad bicker like twins. He kept his back to the rest of the cafeteria and didn’t turn around once.

 

***

 

Jared was ruminating.

 

He was. He was a ruminator. He couldn’t help it. He was a simmerer, too, moody by default. 

 

His routine, his expectations and ideas about the rest of the year and the rest of high school, had been skewed ever so slightly by Jensen’s presence and it was enough to throw him off.

 

He didn’t want to hate Jensen, not really. Jared knew he was being judgemental but he hoped he wasn’t downright hateful. He didn’t want to obsess over how much Jensen inconvenienced him. He just wanted to ignore it all, adjust, and continue on being his homebody little self, shielded from the world by Chad and Sandy.

 

Not only was he a reuminator, though, he was an obvious one.

 

He’d only been sitting at the dinner table for about two seconds before his mother pointedly put down her fork and propped her head on her hands, frowning over at him. “Jay, baby,” she said, “why aren’t you touching your dinner?”

 

“I just sat down,” Jared said. To prove his point, he speared a piece of broccoli and swallowed it down.

 

His momma--bless her heart--didn’t budge. “Are you okay?” she asked. 

 

Jared could feel the tips of his ears burning and he shook his head roughly enough to let his moppy hair fall over them and hide his obvious tell. “M’fine,” he said.

 

His little sister, Megan, flopped down beside him, pushing her vegetables to the edge of her plate and focusing solely on the mashed potatoes. Instead of water or milk, she had soda on the dinner table, which wasn’t allowed and was a punishable offense, and Jared shot his mother a look to see if she’d admonish Meg, but Momma was too preoccupied with Jared’s imagined plight.

 

Megan looked between them, pulling the tab on her Coke. “Is Jared being a baby again?” she asked.

 

“Shut up.” Jared kicked the leg of her chair, scooting her over an inch. “You’re the baby of the family.”

 

“I’m The baby, but you’re A baby,” Meg pointed out. “There’s a difference.”

 

Jared made a face at her. She made a face back. “Children,” Momma warned, and Jared’s Mystery Sadness Illness was forgotten.

 

Later that night, when Jared finished his homework, he laid on his tummy on his bed, staring down at the script for  _ Rent _ . He had Mark’s lines highlighted in yellow and Angel’s highlighted in blue, but his eyes kept straying down to Mimi’s lines. 

 

He liked all three of the characters. Jared liked all the characters. He was a bit of a softie, and could empathize with even the landlord. No matter what role he got, as long as it wasn’t Diner Patron #2, he’d be happy and he’d play it out and kill it.

 

But he was thinking more about Mimi now after that read through. He really identified with her. She had a lot going on and not very many outlets. Jared sighed, rolling off the bed and pulling out his giant box of markers and crayons from under his bed. He grabbed a pink highlighter and began highlighting Mimi’s lines, too, reciting them under his breath.

 

***

 

When Jared walked into English class the next morning, his seat was occupied.

 

Okay, so they didn’t really have “assigned seats,” per se, but Jared had his Seat. For almost two months he’d been sitting in the second row, second to the left. It was close to the teacher’s desk but not obviously so. It was a strategic move.

 

And right now, flipping aimlessly through Romeo and Juliet, Jensen sat there with his legs splayed out wide and his letterman jacket hanging over the back.

 

Jared stopped next to the seat, unsure of what to do next. He could sit one spot to the left, but that was where Tracy sat, and then she’d have to move, and then she’d have to sit where someone else usually sat, and then, well, all hell could break loose. 

 

Jared worried at the loose thread on the shoulder strap of his backpack while he thought through possible scenarios. He didn’t realize how long he’d been standing there or that Jensen had been staring up at him until Jensen cleared his throat.

 

Jared’s eyes snapped back down to him. Jensen lifted an eyebrow. “This your seat?” he asked.

 

“Oh.” Jared blinked. Confrontation. “Um. No.”

 

“I can sit somewhere else,” Jensen said. He grabbed his things, got up, and was in Tracy’s spot before Jared could utter a word. The bell rang, and Jared mutely sat down in his seat, wishing he could teleport “I’m sorry” into Tracy’s head when she walked in and sat near the back.

 

The world didn’t end, and everyone sat before Mr. Ellis walked in, so Jared ended up chastising himself for overthinking something so banal and stupid. I mean, really, a seat. Where had Jensen sat before? Did he like causing chaos? No, it must’ve been a mistake. Jared hadn’t looked around the room before he came in, instead moving on autopilot. He must have missed that someone had erroneously sat in Jensen’s spot. Surely it was no one’s fault--sometimes these things just happened.

 

“...Earth to Jared?” Mr. Ellis was saying.

 

Jared swallowed and sat up. “Yes, sir?” he asked, blinking up at his teacher with red cheeks.

 

“You’re usually so chipper and present and everything a high schooler isn’t,” Mr. Ellis said. “Don’t turn on me now, Jared.”

 

Jared laughed, still red-faced. “I won’t,” he promised.

 

Mr. Ellis tapped his temple. “And don’t call me sir.”

 

“I won’t,” Jared repeated.

 

“Now, my question was about the Capulets,” Mr. Ellis said. “Do you see any parallels drawn between them and another narrative element in the play?”

 

Jared answered quickly enough, talking about doves and laurels and their historical and literary significance, and Mr. Ellis praised him as usual and moved on. Jared let out a long sigh of relief and slunk down in his chair, spending the rest of the class quietly and studiously taking notes on things he already knew.

 

***

 

When class ended, Jared wanted nothing more than to skidaddle out of there to Biology class. He was having a bit of trouble with the chapter on microbiology and knew he could immerse himself in the powerpoints and student projects. Before he could make his escape, though, someone grabbed at his hoodie sleeve.

 

Jared turned around and found himself looking down at Jensen. He hadn’t imagined Jensen would be shorter than him, but here they were, inches apart.

 

“Jared, right?” Jensen asked. He waited for a response.

 

“Uh.” Jared paused too long. “Yeah.”

 

“You know a lot about this stuff, right?” Jensen asked. “I’m new here, and we’re in the middle of a unit, and I’m having trouble catching up. Would you mind tutoring me? I could pay you.”

 

“You don’t have to pay me,” Jared blurted out. “I don’t need your money.”

 

Jared regretted his outburst the moment Jensen looked totally lost instead of entitled and arrogant like he’d imagined. Jared had been prepared to go on a soulful diatribe about class differences in small town Texas and the prejudice there, but Jensen looked more like Jared had kicked his puppy than anything.

 

“I’m. I’m sorry,” Jensen said. “It’s cool. I’ll ask someone else.”

 

Jensen turned away at the same moment Jared rushed out, “I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.”

 

Jensen turned back. “You will?” he asked.

 

Jared bobbed his head. “Sure,” he said. “I could use some extra practice anyway.”

 

Jensen grinned. “Thanks, dude,” he said. “See you in theater next week.” Jensen waved and jogged out into the hallway, immediately catching eyes with Tiffany P. or Kyle or something, blending in the crowd of pretty people and designer shoes.

 

Jared stared blankly at the hall for a second, wondering what the hell he’d gotten himself into. After a beat he forced his legs to move and made his way to Biology, where he could hardly focus on the lesson.

 

***

 

Jensen didn’t call Jared or reach out to him again, so Jared went from being perpetually anxious and waiting for a phonecall or a knock on the door to his usual slightly less anxious self. He assumed Jensen didn’t care enough or found some other schmuck to tutor him. Life went on.

 

Auditions arrived.

 

Jared had been preparing for this day for months, for actual months, and it was finally here. He walked into first hour with his backpack stuffed full of costumes and props, all of which spilled onto the floor like thespian guts when Jared went to grab his copy of Romeo and Juliet.

 

“That looks exciting,” Mr. Ellis joked. Jared always got to school a few minutes early, and they were the only ones in the room.

 

“It’s for our play,” Jared explained. “We’re putting on  _ Rent _ .”

 

“Oooh, a modern,” Mr. Ellis said. “Call me when you do a Shakespeare, I’ll help you with the iambic pentameter.”

 

They both knew Jared could rock iambic pentameter.

 

“Sure thing, Mr. E,” Jared said. “But you’ll come to this one, even if it’s socialist propaganda?”

 

“Do you think Shakespeare was a capitalist? I’ll go in honor of him, even if my heart yearns for a tragicomedy about a boy who is in no position to run his family’s empire.”

 

Jared laughed. “I’ll send you a playbill once we make them,” he promised. Mr. Ellis grinned in acknowledgement. The first bell rang, letting the other students in.

 

***

 

For the rest of the school day, Jared was silently counting down to theater practice. Auditions were serious business and ran the entire length of the club and Mrs. Newton was strict about making it on time so Jared was strict about being there extra early and well prepared.

 

At lunch, he couldn’t help but obsess over possible road blocks in the way to his success as a world-renowned Broadway-slash-Hollywood-slash-Shakespearian actor. 

 

“We could have a fire drill,” Jared said, to the unimpressed faces of Chad and Sandy. “It takes like forty minutes to get the kids back into the building after the firefighters arrive. I’d never make it back in time.”

 

“Jared, we love you, but sometimes you’re so stupid,” Sandy said. “Mrs. Newton would forgive a fire drill. She’d have to leave the building, too.”

 

“You don’t know that,” Jared said.

 

“Oh, you think she has some secret theater fireproof cubby hole?” Chad asked. “Where she would stay in case of emergency, popping out to stare at the empty stage in disappointed silence because Jared is not there so his future is now in the garbage?”

 

Jared went pale. “I know you’re joking, but you can’t say stuff like that,” he said.

 

Chad and Sandy stared at him for a beat before bursting out in laughter. Jared couldn’t help but join them, and he had to admit that it made his blood pressure go way down.

 

“Cool it, Jay bear,” Sandy said. “You’ve still got three classes to get through. Pay attention to those, okay? You’ll be onstage before you know it, rocking all our socks off.”

 

“And pants. And maybe panties,” Chad added helpfully.

 

Jared nodded. He rolled his shoulders. “I guess,” he said. “I’m just worried that--”

 

Before he could bring up another disaster scenario, loud cheers, whoops, and screams erupted from one of the nearby tables. Almost the entire cafeteria turned to look and find the cause of the outburst.

 

It had originated from the cheer fear squad. 

 

The group had moved to chanting. They were all standing, pushing around Jensen like a ball in a pinball machine. He had a paper crown shoved onto his head. “JEN-SEN!” they chanted. “CAP-TAIN!” Every time they finished a chant, they’d cheer and whoop again.

 

Eventually, the noise died down, and cafeteria life returned to normal. Jared turned back to Chad and Sandy. “Are freshmen even allowed to make captain?” he asked.

 

Sandy gave him a look. “He’s not a freshman, Jay. He’s a senior.”

 

“A senior--” Jared balked. He looked back at Jensen, reassessing him. “But he’s in my English class.”

 

Sandy shrugged. “Maybe he has a learning disability.”

 

Oh god. That was a possibility. One of many flashing through Jared’s head. He thought back to how he’d acted when Jensen had asked to be tutored and hung his head in shame. He wanted to vent to Chad and Sandy, but the cruel passage of time denied him the opportunity, and he had to jog off to art class.

 

***

 

Jared was out of his seat when the final bell of the day rang. He sprinted out the door, full tilt, ahead of the slow rush of congestion that would be caused by everyone making their way to the buses and the parking lot.

 

The hallways ahead of him began to fill, drops before a flood, and he ran even faster, pushing his body to the limit as he skidded around a corner and stormed down the stairs leading to backstage and the auditorium. 

 

When he got to the private hallway where Mrs. Newton had told them to wait, Jensen was already there.

 

Jared had trouble processing it at first. He braced his hands on his knees while he panted. “What,” he gasped, “are you doing here?”

 

Jensen was relaxed, leaning against the wall with one foot kicked up. He had a script in his hands. “Same as you,” he shrugged without looking up. “Auditions.”

 

Jared had a lot of questions, mainly about Jensen’s class standing, football responsibilities, and how the hell he functioned in general. He held them back, though, getting his breath back.

 

The spaces behind him and Jensen slowly but surely filled up, until the hallway was filled with a line of chattering students. Sandy was only a few spaces behind him, but Chad was all the way at the end. He shot a glare back at his friend and received a thumbs-up in response.

 

Jared watched the clock on his wrist watch. He’d perfectly synced the second hand with the school’s system. Right when the second hand hit the top of the hour, Mrs. Newton threw the doors open with a dramatic flourish that silenced all the students.

 

She put her hands on her hips. She was wearing a black, witchy robe and pumps. “Who is ready… to perform?” she asked.

 

***

 

Jared was a bad person. 

 

He didn’t try to be, but he was. 

 

As he sat in the front row staring up at the auditioning students, he couldn’t mask his responses. Once he scoffed audibly enough to prompt Sandy to elbow him violently in the side. So many people just reading off the page in monotone, still in their gym shorts.

 

Jared couldn’t help it. He just knew he was a perfect fit, and he wanted everyone else to know it. 

 

Jensen was one of the first to go up. 

 

He stood in the spotlight with his hair shiny with product and his letterman jacket still on. He cleared his throat and performed one of Mark’s monologues from the end of the second act. It was heartfelt and simple and evocative and Newton clapped like the dickens. 

 

Jared harrumphed. So Jensen was good. So he had a shot at playing the lead. It didn’t make Jared any less bothered by Jensen’s blase attitude. He obviously cared more about being captain than being the lead in the school production. Theater was Jared’s life; he couldn’t understand how anyone could only be partly interested in it. It was like describing chocolate cupcakes or Golden Retriever puppies as “okay.”

 

It wasn’t long before it was Jared’s turn. Heart pounding, he pulled out the coat his momma had hand stitched for him for his very occasion. One side of it was a simple canvas blazer, and the other side was a long, flowing, white silk robe. It was split vertically down the middle of the back. He stood with the canvas side facing the audience and spoke Mark’s lines. He did a twirl--he’d done ballet for a few years--and changed his demeanor, the way he held himself, and his voice, and did Angel’s lines. Both sides of the conversation, dancing back at forth, breaking out into song.

 

When the song was over, Jared was dizzy and panting hard. It was a lot more spinning and heavy breathing than he’d accounted for. He received scattered applause as he stumbled his way down the stage steps and flopped back into his chair before he could trip and make a fool out of himself.

 

Sandy squeezed his hand the moment he sat down. “Jaybear, that was amazing!” she said.

 

Jared smiled, still out of breath. He nodded in acknowledgement and whooped extra loud when Chad climbed onto the stage and puffed his chest out.

 

Chad wasn’t the greatest actor, but he was really funny. His audition was mainly a standup routine, which was well received by Newton, who was already familiar with Chad’s antics. 

 

Jared didn’t really remember anyone else. Sandy did a Mimi monologue, and Jared cried while she performed. He hugged her when she sat down and she bounced energetically in her seat for the rest of the auditions. 

 

It lasted a long time. Jared hadn’t expected this much interest. And as confident as he was in his own abilities, even he had to admit that he wasn’t the only one who had chops. It was a good thing the show was an ensemble cast, but there still weren’t enough roles to accommodate every talented person that had walked onstage.

 

They ended a little late, and it was already dark out by the time Jared started walking home. He’d hugged Sandy goodbye and then he and Chad had set out toward suburbia. They hadn’t been walking long before a voice calling out in the darkness grabbed their attention.

 

They turned to find Jensen running toward them. Jensen caught up easily enough. “Jared, hey,” he said. “I wanted to talk tutoring again but I don’t know your address or anything.”

 

“Oh.” Jared blinked. He could feel Chad’s eyes on him. “You can just call,” he offered. “I can give you the home phone number.”

 

“Oh. Cool.” Jensen nodded. “That’d be great. Uh, hold on a minute, I think I have some paper…” Jensen trailed off, slinging off his backpack and digging through the mess in search of a blank piece of paper. Considering it was a school backpack, the search shouldn’t have taken so long. Silence reigned, crickets chirping and traffic moving in the distance while Jared waited, avoiding what had to be the dorkiest look ever on Chad’s face.

 

Finally, Jensen procured a piece of paper and a pen, and Jared wrote down his information. He handed it back to Jensen. “Thanks,” Jensen said, dipping his head in acknowledgement. He turned to leave but froze. “Hey, also, you were really good back there. Good luck, dude.”

 

Jared’s brain took a moment to translate Jensen’s drawl. “Thanks,” he said. “Uh. You too.”

 

“Thanks.” Jensen smiled a beat later, grabbing up his unzipped backpack, hauling it onto his back, and turning around to walk down a different street. 

 

After a beat, Jared and Chad resumed walking.

 

“Are you really going to tutor him?” Chad asked after they passed another side street.

 

Jared shrugged. “I guess,” he said. “I mean, I promised.”

 

Chad shook his head. Jared frowned. “What?” he asked.

 

Chad just shook his head again, smiling at the ground. Jared slapped at Chad’s shoulder. “Come on, what?” he prodded.

 

“It’s just--” Chad scoffed out a little laugh. He waved his hand in the air in a vague gesture. “You two. You don’t like each other much but you’re always up in each other’s business. It’s cute.”

 

Jared gawped at Chad. “Educate me as to anything about the nightmare you just said is ‘cute.’”

 

Chad punched him in the arm. “I think you’re gonna be friiiieeeends,” he singsonged. “Remember how we met?”

 

Oh, Jared wishes he could forget.

 

Jared and Chad met when they shared a first grade teacher. Jared was shy and small, and his teacher was under strict orders to feed him an additional snack after recess because Momma was worried about his growth. Chad was tall and fat and loud. 

 

Chad immediately zeroed in on Jared as a kid who wouldn’t fight back and bullied him relentlessly. Chad put bugs in Jared’s hoodies and stole Jared’s sandwiches that Momma had painstakingly made with cute pictures drawn in raspberry jam.

 

Before long, Jared’s life was hell and he had no coping mechanisms. One day, they had a sub, and Jared didn’t get his extra snack, so he was hungry and cranky. Chad pushed in front of him in line on the way to the library and Jared had it. He kicked Chad in the back of the knees, sat down and cried, and refused to move until Momma came to pick him up.

 

Momma was concerned and talked with the teacher, but the sub hadn’t written anything down about the incident, and a five year old was not the most reliable witness, so nothing really came of it. Jared dreaded going back to school the next day, but when he did, Chad didn’t bother him. It was actually the opposite. Chad now gave Jared snacks instead of stealing Jared’s. 

 

And somehow they became friends, Jared warming up to the little demon. They grew closer and closer over the years, sharing every secret, suffering through puberty, and here they were, Jared three and a half inches taller than Chad and definitely stronger, too, even though Chad was pretty lanky now.

 

“This isn’t first grade,” Jared snarked back. “We’re high schoolers now.”

 

“I dunno.” Chad shrugged. “You always did have a thing for sad puppies. I think Jensen might have a tragic backstory that’ll pull your heartstrings.”

 

They reached the street where they parted ways. Jared slammed Chad into a rough hug. “Gimme a break,” he said. “You watch too much T.V.”

 

Chad smiled, but he looked like he was hiding something. “Seeya, Jay.” Chad waved goodbye.

 

“Seeya.” Jared stood there for a few moments, watching Chad’s backpack get smaller and smaller. Chad always had such a unique way of getting past Jared’s defenses. 

 

Try as he might, no matter how Jared worked to get Jensen out from under his skin, something always put him right back.

 

***

 

It was Saturday, and Jared was treating himself to a relaxing day of junk food and “B” movies.

 

He’d finished all his homework on Friday to accommodate this special Saturday. Sunday would be equally lazy. 

 

Monday was when the casting call for the Aspen Players’ production of  _ Rent _ was posted, and Jared refused to let himself stress about it. If he did, he’d die of a heart attack at fourteen. 

 

So, instead, he was congratulating himself for a job well done, and steadfastly doing all his favorite things to distract himself from any worries he might dream up.

 

Momma knew about Saturdays like this after years of doing theater and softball. She was out somewhere and Megan was with friends. Jeff had a great memory of all things Jared, even as he was navigating college for the first time, and called Jared up to wish him luck.

 

Jared had the house to himself.

 

He started the day by walking Sadie and Harley and playing with them in the backyard until all three were sweaty and winded. After that, he made himself a milk shake and flopped on the sofa with a dog on either side. Sandy called, and he talked with her while watching the morning cartoons (he wasn’t too old for them, shut up).

 

When that was done, Jared stood in front of the fridge, deliberating over the merits of another snack. Would he be too full for lunch?

 

He relished the stupid leisure of spending such a long time making a pointless decision. There were no risks, only rewards. And today, Jared was alone, and no one could judge him for his eccentricities.

 

The phone rang while Jared was mid-thought deciding between Oreos and Ritz Bitz.

 

Jared sighed, dramatically flopping over to where the phone hung next to the dishwasher. He picked the handle up off the cradle, absentmindedly twirling the cord over his index finger. “Padalecki household.”

 

A beat. “Jared?”

 

Jared’s finger paused mid twirl. “Jensen?”

 

“Uh, yeah, hi.” Jensen laughed nervously. “Are you busy right now? I can call back later.”

 

Jared looked over to the couch where Sadie and Harley’s tummies were visible for optimal petting. He mentally kicked himself. “No, I’m not busy.”

 

“Cool.” He heard Jensen take a breath. “So, um, I’m really struggling with English class.”

 

Jared didn’t know what to say. “Oh.”

 

“Yeah. They wanted to place me in a remedial class, but I need a full English credit to stay on the football team and to graduate on time, so they put me in the 9th grade one. But I’m about to get a C minus, and I can’t compete with a grade below a C, and if I can’t compete, I can’t go to college, so, uh, I really need your help.”

 

“Wow. Um, sorry, not ‘wow,’ that’s just… a lot,” Jared finished awkwardly.

 

Jensen laughed. “Yeah. So can I come over and learn from the master? I’m pretty busy during the week, but I’m free Sunday.”

 

“That works for me.” Jared couldn’t believe he was saying any of this. “Want my address?”

 

“That’d be great, yeah.”

 

Jared read off his address by memory. Jensen thanked him, wished him well, and said goodbye. Jared hung up the phone and stood in the kitchen doing nothing for a bit.

 

Eventually he got his body to move, robotically walking over to plop onto the couch between his dogs. Sadie made a noise and rested her chin on his thigh, blinking up at him. Jared’s heart softened and he pet her, rubbing his thumb on the fur between her eyes and watching her sigh in contentment.

 

Jared checked his watch. It was only ten minutes later than the last time he’d checked, when he’d deliberated if it was snack time or not. 

 

Hauling his feet up onto the table--feeling a mild thrill that his mother wasn’t there to admonish him--Jared turned on the T.V. and watched whatever was on, not following the plot at all, brain fixated on other things.

 

***

 

Momma and Megan came back after Jared made himself a dinner of popcorn, potato chips, ice cream, and soda. Momma made a Proper Dinner, which Jared participated in in body but not in spirit. After they were finished and Megan retreated to her room, Jared lurked in the kitchen, ostensibly to help Momma do the dishes.

 

They worked in silence, Momma humming a few chords of her favorite songs while she rinsed dishes. While she dumped corn and gravy into a bin meant for fertilizing her garden vegetables, she hummed “The Devil Comes Back to Georgia.”

 

Jared dried dishes and put them back into cabinets. He’d only stacked three plates--making sure the patterns on the edges lined up and they were one inch away from the cabinet door precisely--when Momma stopped her humming, put down the scrubber, and stared at him. Jared put down the fourth plate. Momma propped her hand on her hip and quirked an eyebrow. “Jaybird, please,” she said. “Just tell me what it is.”

 

Jared’s cheeks went red and he looked away from his mother’s inquisitive gaze. “Nothin’,” he mumbled. He steeled himself and looked back up. “A boy from school asked me to tutor him and he’s coming over tomorrow.”

 

Momma’s face brightened like a switch had been flipped. “That’s wonderful!” she said. “I thought you’d gotten someone pregnant.”

 

Jared choked on nothing. He tried to stutter out some defense, but Momma was laughing before he’d even opened his mouth. She put a hand on his shoulder. “Jared, Jared, Jared,” she said. “It was a joke. You’re still my sweet little Jaybird.”

 

Jared was still red. He swallowed. “He’s not just some kid,” he blurted.

 

Momma cocked her head. “Well, who is he, then?”

 

Jared shrugged, still feeling like his skin was tight. “He’s football captain, and in my theater troupe,” he said. “He’s not from our neighborhood, Momma, he’s from North Aspen.”

 

Momma’s face cleared. “Jared, I’m sure he’s a nice boy, and if he isn’t, I’ll kick him out,” she said.

 

“What about this?” Jared asked, waving his hand around.

 

“What about this?” Momma repeated. “Jared, we’re doing just fine.”

 

Jared bit his tongue. He didn’t want to upset Momma. If he told her their house was small, or that all the furniture was twenty years old or found on curbs in more expensive neighborhoods, she’d lecture him on being grateful for what he had and not comparing himself to others.

 

But he wasn’t worried about himself. He was worried about Jensen. He was worried that Jensen would treat him differently at school if he saw how Jared had six shirts total, if he saw how Jared’s jacket had been painstakingly repaired and altered by Momma to last through the growth spurt he had in seventh grade.

 

“Jared,” Momma repeated, her tone a little sterner, shaking him out of his morose daydreams. “The only thing holding you back--”

 

“--is myself,” Jared finished for her, monotone. It was one of Momma’s favorite lessons. 

 

“Exactly,” Momma grinned. “You’ll have a grand old time, I know it.”

 

Jared wished he could believe her.

 

***

 

Jared woke up early Sunday morning.

 

Momma and Megan were still asleep, and the house was quiet. The dogs were excited to see him, like he’d gone on a long and perilous ocean voyage instead of tossing and turning in his bed for seven hours last night. He greeted them just as warmly, and let them out in the yard to do their business. He started on breakfast while watching the dogs out the kitchen window. 

 

He spent the morning covertly straightening up before Momma woke up. He flipped the pillows on the couch so they didn’t look as lumpy. He dusted the shelves. He cleaned his room. He put shoes in the closet and dog toys in the coffee table drawers.

 

When he was done, his nervous energy remained. He paced around the house, the jitters making his shoulders roll. He really shouldn’t be so freaked out. Logically, he knew that. 

 

Still.

 

Jared ran a hand through his hair. He jumped when a hand touched his shoulder. Momma, still in her nightgown, breezed past him on her way to the kitchen. “What do you think Jensen would like for breakfast?” she asked, her voice echoing down the hall, followed by the hollow thunk of cabinets opening and closing. 

 

Jared followed her into the kitchen. The morning sun through the sheer curtains on the windows cast everything in a quiet gold tint. Momma was at the stove, already cracking eggs. 

 

“He probably already ate, Momma,” he said. “We don’t need to make him anything.”

 

“Nonsense.” Momma kept her back to him. The eggs sizzled when they hit the pan.

 

Jared shook his head. “Momma, please.”

 

Momma clicked her tongue. “Jaybird, there is nothin’ wrong with a little southern hospitality.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes. It wasn’t a fight he was going to win. He ambled back to the living room, where the dogs were back on the couch. Would Jensen mind dog hair on furniture? Would he freak out if he found it on his jacket?

 

“Pancakes!” Momma called from the kitchen. “Everybody likes pancakes.”

 

Jared couldn’t argue with that. 

 

He sat around doing nothing but worrying, leg bouncing. He alternated between staring at the T.V. and staring at the clock. A door closed somewhere on the second floor and Megan came hopping down the stairs. 

 

She tilted her head up. “Do I smell pancakes?” she asked.

 

Jared cut a thumb toward the back of the house, where the kitchen lay. “Momma’s makin’ ‘em,” he said, without affect.

 

Megan made an excited sound. She started toward the kitchen but stopped in the doorway. “Are you having someone over?” she asked. “Chad or Sandy? Chad still owe me five bucks.”

 

“I’m tutoring someone,” Jared said. “So please make yourself scarce.”

 

“Oooh, Jared the entrepreneur,” Megan teased. “Alright. I won’t harm your profit margins. I  _ will _ be eating pancakes, though.”

 

Jared stuck his tongue out at her. She stuck her tongue out in reply before flouncing down the hall to help Momma make breakfast.

 

There was a brisk and short knock at the door. Jared’s heart knocked around in his chest. The dogs were alert, ears perked, staring at the door. Jared watched with them.

 

Jared got up as Jensen knocked again and made his way to the door. He opened it and let Jensen in. Before Jensen could make a single judgement about the place, two giant hounds were on him, sniffing and running around him in curious circles. Jensen’s eyes crinkled up as he laughed. He offered his hand for the dogs to sniff, scritching them behind the ears. They were in love immediately, Jared could tell. He felt a twinge of jealousy.

 

“Who are these two chuckleheads?” Jensen asked, still petting them.

 

Jared swallowed. “Sadie and Harley,” he said. “In that order.”

 

“Sadie and Harley,” Jensen repeated, directing his words at them. “Well, nice to meet you!”

 

Eventually, the dogs were seduced by the smell of bacon wafting from the kitchen, and--albeit reluctantly--left Jensen alone. It was then that Jared finally got a good look at Jensen.

 

Jensen was dressed in just a t-shirt and sweat pants, and Jared tried to cloak his surprise. He stayed awkwardly to the side while Jensen toed out of his shoes and looked around the house.

 

Jensen’s eyes finally landed on him. “Nice place,” he said, easily enough. It didn’t sound fake. Jensen perked up. “Do I smell pancakes?”

 

Momma was her usual self while she handed out dishes around the kitchen table. Jared poked at a stain on the table cloth but realized he might be drawing attention to it and stopped. He watched Jensen out of the corner of his eye.

 

Jensen was sitting next to Jared, across from Megan. When Momma finished setting out the syrup, she sat down across from Jared. 

 

Jensen sat patiently, only eating after Megan folded up an entire pancake and stuffed it into her mouth. Jensen ate primly, cutting a 4x4 grid into the pancake and patting the grease off his bacon with a napkin before eating it. 

 

“So... Jensen,” Momma began, a lilt to her words and a tilt to her head.

 

Jensen nodded, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “That’s right, ma’am,” he said. “Jensen Ackles.”

 

“Ackles.” Momma tested the name in her mouth. “Y’all are new to town?”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Jensen said. “Dallas born and bred.”

 

“Please, I’m no ma’am, I’m just Sherri,” Momma said. “What brought you to Aspen?”

 

“Sherri,” Jensen amended, and shit, Jared could tell Momma and Megan were drawn in by Jensen’s humble graciousness. Jensen swallowed, and Jared could tell he was the only one that caught the slight grimace to Jensen’s smile when he shrugged. “Family things,” was all Jensen said, and Momma laughed.

 

“That’ll do it,” she said, and Jensen’s smile grew easier.

 

***

 

It was not long before breakfast was over and Jensen had completely charmed Jared’s whole family like a nefarious wizard. The dogs ate out of the palm of his hand (literally), and Megan bent over backwards to help Jensen clean up the table (not literally, thank goodness). 

 

Momma cooed over him like Jensen was her own, and Jared kept to the sidelines, trying to look extremely preoccupied with drying the dishes.

 

“I think we’ve got it,” Jared offered, but Jensen was shaking his head before Jared finished his sentence.

 

“Nonsense,” said Jensen. “The least I can do in payment for such a wonderful meal is help y’all clean up.”

 

Jared watched Momma glow under the praise.

 

***

 

As promised, Megan and Momma found things to do with themselves when it was time for the actual tutoring, and Jared wished they hadn’t.

 

Now, Jensen’s sole focus was Jared.

 

The house was so quiet. They sat on the couch with Jensen’s things laid out on the coffee table. Sadie and Harley lounged in their dog beds on the edge of the room, casting longing glances toward Jensen’s skilled hands. 

 

Neither of them spoke at first. Jared stared down at Jensen’s notebook, chewing on the inside of his lip. He had no idea what to say, and the longer he went without saying something, the more painful the silence got. What should he say?

 

“So.” Jensen broke the silence, tossing a lopsided smile Jared’s way. “I don’t know where to begin.”

 

“Neither do I,” Jared admitted, and they both laughed. Jared swallowed. He sat up straighter and summoned an ounce of courage from some impossible place. “So, um, what are you struggling with the most?”

 

“Hard to answer,” Jensen said, still smiling, though more bashful now. “Most everything, really.”

 

“Oh.” Jared was stuck again. He didn’t know what to say to that.

 

“Why don’t we start with  _ Romeo and Juliet _ ,” Jensen suggested. “Considerin’ the next quiz is on that.”

 

“That’s a good idea,” Jared said. “Do you have the book?”

 

Jensen leaned down and pulled it out of his backpack, displaying it with a proud twist of his wrist. “I at least come prepared, Mr. Padalecki,” he said.

 

Jared flushed. A lot. “There’s no need for that,” he stuttered, ducking his head to avoid Jensen’s gaze. “Here. Let’s get started.”

 

Jared quizzed Jensen on each of the chapters, finding that Jensen was about three quarters of the way through, and could remember general plot events, but never names, which was unfortunate, considering names and allegiances would almost definitely constitute a majority of their next quiz. 

 

Also, Jensen was dyslexic.

 

It was apparent when Jared made Jensen read out loud and Jensen found as many ways to avoid doing it as possible, and when he did read, he was slow and careful, his drawl coming out in full force. 

 

It wasn’t that Jensen didn’t know big words, or that he was slow; it was like Jared said, he was dyslexic. His brain just refused to tell Jensen what the words on the page actually were, scrambling things or misplacing them. Jensen lost focus a lot.

 

Jared stopped him before long. “If I might say, Jensen,” Jared began, trying to tiptoe with tact, “I don’t think it’s  _ Romeo and Juliet _ you have much trouble with. I think it might be just getting through the Middle English.”

 

Jensen threw his hands up. “Yes!” he said. “I can’t keep up with it.”

 

“I know something that might help,” Jared said. “Let’s do some translation. I promise it’ll come naturally after a while, and it makes things way easier.”

 

Jensen nodded along, but he didn’t seem convinced. “Okay,” he said. “Fire at will.”

 

Jared opened up to a random page. He pointed to a line of Juliet’s. “Read that,” he instructed.

 

Jensen read.

 

“What do you think it means?”

 

Jensen shrugged.

 

“At least a guess.”

 

Jensen sighed, leaning back into the couch cushions. “She’s asking where Romeo is,” he said.

 

Jared shook his head.

 

Jensen groaned. “Seriously?”

 

“Fantasy T.V. shows use a lot of the same language, you at least recognized that kind of thing,” Jared said. “You didn’t ask what ‘art’ or ‘thou’ mean.”

 

“Are and you,” Jensen offered.

 

Jared nodded. “Wherefore doesn’t mean where, though. It means why.”

 

Jensen frowned. “But then she’s asking why he’s Romeo. That doesn’t make sense.”

 

“In a literal sense, it doesn’t make sense,” Jared said. “But in a metaphorical sense…”

 

Jensen blinked at him. “She’s asking metaphorically why he’s Romeo?”

 

“Think about it in terms of Aspen High,” Jared said. “If a jock fell in love with a nerd, he might be mocked by his friends and not able to date his girlfriend in peace. He might get frustrated with her and ask why she has to be her--why she has to be a nerd.”

 

Jensen laughed. “That’s dumb, too,” he said. “‘Jocks’ and ‘nerds’ aren’t real cliques. No one would give him trouble for dating her.”

 

Jared laughed, a little more hesitantly. “That’s easy for you to say,” he said. “You’re popular. Anything you do would be lauded.”

 

Jensen frowned at him. “What do you mean?”

 

Jared was flushing again. Of course Jensen wouldn’t be conscious of the privileges he had at Aspen. “Just--think about it in the play,” he tried. “Juliet and Romeo can’t be together because of their family rivalry. She’s asking him why he has to be him.”

 

“Why he has to be a Capulet,” Jensen added.

 

“A Montague, actually, but yeah,” Jared said. “So every sentence has, like, two layers. First you have to translate all the old words like wherefore. Then, you have to look below the surface and see what Shakespeare is writing metaphorically.”

 

Jensen blew air out his mouth. “It took us ten minutes to get through one sentence,” he said. “How the hell am I supposed to get through the whole book?”

 

Jared tapped the cover of the book. “Keep reading it,” he said. “You at least have to try.”

 

Jensen snagged the book from him, flipping through it with obvious disinterest. He tossed it onto the coffee table. “Pass.”

 

“You kind of have to,” Jared told him. “You told me your scholarship and all that depends on it.”

 

“I know,” Jensen sighed. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and running his hands through his hair. “There’s just a lot on my plate right now.”

 

Jared shuffled a little closer. “If you don’t mind me asking,” he said. “Then why are you in Aspen Players? Why put yourself under even more stress?”

 

Jensen’s face was still hidden, but Jared could see his jaw quirk up with a smile. “Aspen Players isn’t work,” he said. “Football is.”

 

Jared stayed quiet. He didn’t know Jensen well enough to quiz him critically on his life choices. Jensen was obviously struggling with his decisions as it was. But it didn’t make Jared understand his plight any more.

 

“Study break,” Jensen called out, interrupting his thoughts. He leaned back, kicking his feet up onto the coffee table and knocking off his notebook and pencils in the process. He grabbed the remote from the side table and aimed it at the T.V. before Jared could protest.

 

The kids’ channel Jared had been watching popped up. He winced, waiting for Jensen to ask about his younger siblings or to mock him.

 

Jensen laughed. “Dude.  _ Ren and Stimpy _ ? Fucked up.”

 

Jared swallowed down his relief. “I know,” he said. “I’m pretty sure every episode has like forty sexual innuendos.”

 

Jensen leaned over and elbowed Jared, a little roughly. “You counting, you dog?”

 

Jared went red. “No, I’m not, uh, it’s--it’s just interesting that--”

 

Jensen laughed again, loud and sharp. “Jared. Dude.” He shot Jared a meaningful look. “Teasing.”

 

Jared didn’t think he’d ever stop feeling embarrassed.

 

Luckily, it was an episode neither of them had seen before, so they were both able to focus on it and laugh at the jokes together. They were halfway through a second episode when Momma came home through the front door, kicking her flip flops off and watching them slide down the hallway as far as they could go.

 

She came into the living room. Jensen grabbed the remote and turned down the volume. “Hi Mrs.--Sherri,” he said, a timid counterpoint to the boisterous kid from minutes before.

 

Momma put her hands on her hips. “Is this what the kids these days call studying?” she asked.

 

“We were just taking a break,” Jared said quickly. “Jensen was doing so well.”

 

Momma clicked her tongue. “As long as you’re not goofing off,” she said. “Now, who wants lemonade?”

 

***

 

Jensen had a snack with Jared’s family, and that went swimmingly, too, Jensen and Momma very comfortable together. Once again Jensen helped them clean up. They found time for another translation practice after, but they dissolved into laughter easily enough when the part of the story turned out to be a huge metaphor for a dick measuring contest. 

 

Studying became hanging out, and Jared was just as surprised as Jensen when Jensen looked down at his watch and realized he was running late.

 

“I should’ve left twenty minutes ago,” Jensen said, hurriedly tying his shoes.

 

“Are your parents gonna be pissed? Say it was because of me,” Jared said. 

 

Jensen shook his head. “Naw, it’ll be okay,” he said, but his mouth was still pulled tight.

 

Before long, Jensen thanked him profusely, hugging Sadie and Harley goodbye, and disappeared out the door. 

 

Jared closed the door behind him and spun around, leaning against it. He’d had a good time, but his social batteries were fried. 

 

He jumped when he noticed Momma leaning against the wall in the hall entrance. “He’s a nice boy,” she declared. “Invite him over for dinner sometime.”

 

Jared smiled. “Okay, Momma.”

 

Upstairs, Megan yelled, “yes!”

 

***

 

School on Monday felt weird.

 

First off, Jared thought he might be friends with Jensen now.  Second off, he had a hell of a story to tell Chad and Sandy.

 

And third off, he had legitimately, actually, really truly forgotten that the callbacks would be posted outside the backstage doors by the final bell ring. He hadn’t worried about it once since Jensen had called.

 

The school day floated by, with Jared in an introspective cloud. He was past worrying at this point, honestly. In less than five hours he would know what part he got, and what part everyone else got. He just had to not die by the end of the day.

 

Jared got to English class early, not to talk to Mr. Ellis but to wait outside to chit chat with Jensen before class. 

 

His heart bounced around in his chest. Jared had never been much of a chit chatter before.

 

Jensen came after the first bell and right before final bell. He was in a crowd of beautiful faces and tall people. Jensen made eye contact with Jared and Jared perked up, smiling and waving. 

 

Tori, one of the cheerleaders, looked Jared up and down, seemingly lingering on his worn board shorts. “Do you know him?” she asked Jensen, and her tone of voice said everything.

 

Jensen looked at her like he was seeing her for the first time. The hall went quiet, a few snickers breaking the silence. Jared froze, staring back at Jensen. Jensen looked at all of his friends then back at Jared.

 

“I mean, he’s in my class,” Jensen said, and the bell rang. Everyone scurried along to their various classes, Jared slinking into his second row seat and barely paying attention to the lesson. Jensen was sitting behind him and Jared could feel Jensen’s eyes on the back of his head.

 

Jared shook his head. He should have known. He should have  _ known _ . Jensen was a popular boy in more ways than one, even if he was only realizing it himself for the first time now. 

 

Jared shouldn’t feel so dismayed. He only hung out with Jensen once, and he’d known Jensen’s true colors from the start.

 

At lunch, Sandy and Chad immediately sniffed out Jared’s storm cloud.

 

“Jaybear, what is it?” Sandy asked, keeping her voice soft, touching his shoulder and his hair. “You can tell us.”

 

He wasn’t upset. He wasn’t actually upset. It wasn’t a life-changing event. There was just something about Sandy’s concern that always broke Jared. She was so sweet, got so angry on his behalf. Had slashed tires for him before.

 

Jared teared up, and Sandy started cooing, and he was gone. He leaned over, hiding his face in her shoulder as he cried a little. She wrapped her arms around him and muttered soothing nothings in his ear, rubbing his back. He melted into her for the rest of lunch period, Chad telling as many disgusting sexual puns as possible to startle some raspy laughs out of Jared.

 

The lunch bell rang, and Jared wiped his face on his sleeve. He was red, and getting redder, embarrassed and upset with himself. His emotions were always so tricky, and the stress of today didn’t help. Chad walked him to his next class, giving him a brief and masculine hug slash bodyslam before leaving for his own class.

 

Inevitably, the final bell rang. 

 

Jared thought he wouldn’t have the energy to sprint to the theater, but the moment the bell sounded, he was out of his seat like a bottle rocket whizzing skyward. He made his way to the doors before anyone else, though before he’d even read a single sentence he could hear the thundering footsteps of other theater kids running his way.

 

Jared scanned this list. 

 

Shit. 

 

Jonas got Mark, Chad got Roger, Sandy got Mimi, Jared got Angel, and Jensen got Tom. Maureen, Joanne and the landlord went to theater kids who were used to getting top billing and swore and stomped away when they read the crew call.

 

Jared got Angel, which was good, that was a character he liked, but he couldn’t help but feel a little burned that Chad of all people had been chosen for Roger over him.

 

And Jensen was playing Tom, who was Angel’s love interest.

 

In the read through of the script, there was a sex scene with Tom and Angel, and multiple passionate kisses.

 

Meaning Jared and Jensen would be hanging out closely for months on end, and part of that would inevitably involve them kissing.

 

This was problematic for multiple reasons. 

 

Firstly, Jared had never been kissed. Secondly, Jared had a lot of fantasies about first kisses, and none of them involved having it be a stage kiss. Thirdly, he didn’t want his first kiss to be with someone he wasn’t in love with. Fourthly, he didn’t want his first kiss to be Jensen.

 

And fifthly, he didn’t want to kiss Jensen at all.

 

Jensen would probably complain to Newton for a re-cast. Word might get out to the cheerleaders and jocks that Jensen had to kiss Jared, and Jared did not want to be around for that aftermath.

 

Jared was shoved out of the way by someone, and he backed off easily. Either Jensen would flip and the whole school would find out, or he wouldn’t, and they’d go through with it, which Jared didn’t want to do… and the whole school would find out.

 

He was totally screwed.

 

The only recourse was to drop out, change his name, and switch schools. Maybe if he shaved his head and started wearing button downs no one would recognize him. 

 

Jared walked down the hall at the pace of a dazed man. Someone called his name. He kept moving. A hand touched his elbow. A moment later, Jensen was in his space, brow furrowed, mouth turned down. Jensen opened his mouth to speak and Jared pushed him away.

 

“Save it,” Jared croaked quietly. “I don’t want to hear it.”

 

He kept walking. Jensen didn’t pursue him.

 

When he got to the street corner where Chad stood waiting, Chad enveloped him in another rough hug. “Dude,” he said. “I heard. Shit’s fucked.”

 

“Thanks,” Jared said. He wiped a hand across his face. “Do you think Newton’s actually gonna make me kiss him?”

 

Chad’s eyes bugged out of his head. “What?” he sputtered. “I meant me getting picked over you. I basically sarcasm’d my way through my audition when you had a hand stitched costume. Newton’s crazy. You have to kiss Jensen?”

 

“Yeah,” Jared said. Chad nudged him and they started walking. “I’m Angel, he’s Tom.”

 

“Oh, fuck, wait, yeah,” Chad said. “Don’t you two have to--?”

 

“Don’t say it,” Jared said. “I’m freaking out enough as it is.”

 

“Jesus,” Chad said. “Are you gonna talk to Newton?”

 

“I don’t know,” Jared said. “I think Jensen might get there before me.”

 

“Is that what lunch was about?” Chad asked, gentler.

 

Jared grimanced, kicking a pebble down the street. “Yeah, it was stupid,” he said. “We got along really well at home, but when I saw him in the halls, he acted like he didn’t know me.”

 

“God.” When they arrived at the pebble Jared had kicked, Chad kicked it harder and farther. It plunked into a storm drain. “What a jerk.” 

 

“He seemed so nice,” Jared said. “I don’t get it.”

 

“Well, that’s football boys for you,” Chad said. “Only out for themselves. Shame, really. I was rooting for your unlikely friendship. You’re like the bunny and the skunk in Bambi. You know who’s who.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes. He punched Chad in the arm. “Shut up.”

 

Chad did a little dance around Jared. “Careful. You’re talking to a leading man here.”

 

Jared lunged forward to punch Chad again, but Chad danced out of reach. They continued like that, Jared laughing breathlessly, until he and Chad had to part ways. When Jared got home, he was lighter, and the enthusiastic greeting Sadie and Harley gave him only further lifted his spirits.

 

Momma asked about the casting call at dinner, which wasn’t a surprise, and she was overjoyed to hear Jared got a role he was interested in. Jared left out the rest of the story and just let Momma be happy. Besides, when Momma was in a celebratory mood, she made cupcakes, and Jared loved the batter.

 

Half an hour later, he was sprawled across the couch, licking chocolate cupcake batter off a spoon. 

 

The evening was only soured by Jensen leaving a voicemail courteously reminding Jared of their study session scheduled for Sunday.

 

***

 

When Jared walked into English class the next day, Jensen was sitting in his spot, leaning back with his feet on the desk. He spotted Jared and sat up straighter, taking his feet off the desk. “Jared. Hey.”

 

Jared’s fingers gripped his backpack straps more tightly. “Hey.”

 

Jensen looked behind Jared for a beat, then relaxed, looking up at Jared. “I just wanted to say--”

 

Jared walked past Jensen, toward the back of the room. “Whatever you want to say, you can say in front of your friends,” Jared said, surprised with himself. “Unless I’m too embarrassing.”

 

Jensen didn’t respond. They sat in silence until Mr. Ellis walked in, who looked at them briefly before writing his lesson plan on the board. When the bell rang, and the others filed in, Jared did his best to ignore Jensen’s presence and to focus on the lesson.

 

At lunch, Chad and Sandy were being extra nice to him, and he knew why. Sandy had “randomly” baked her secret recipe peanut butter cookies, which had long been established as Jared’s favorite.

 

He was in the middle of chowing down on one when someone behind him cleared their throat. Sandy and Chad’s eyes immediately flicked up to the newcomer. Chad’s eyes went flinty and Sandy’s went wary.

 

“What do you want?” Chad snapped.

 

There was a pause. Jared didn’t want to turn around. Jensen settled into the squeaky, half broken seat beside Jared. “I just wanted to talk,” Jensen said, and he sounded so timid and shy and genuine--damn it.

 

Jared was no match. He leaned back a little, checking out the cheer fear squad in his periphery. They were all looking this way. Jared continued munching on a peanut butter cookie, trying to appear indifferent. “Make it quick,” he said, not even looking Jensen’s way.

 

Sandy crossed her arms. “Yeah,” she echoed. “Chop chop.”

 

Jensen shifted in an uncomfortable silence for a few beats. “Um… okay,” he said. He didn’t say anything at first, and the group waited for him to speak up in silence, the susurrus of the lunchroom chatter continuing on beyond them.

 

Jensen cleared his throat and turned to face Jared head on. “Jared, I’m sorr-”

 

The broken seat wobbled, tipping and dumping Jensen onto the floor.

 

There was a beat of shocked silence before anything happened.

 

Sandy and Chad burst out laughing, and Jared couldn’t help but smile. Jensen looked like a spooked cat. Jensen got up quickly, dusting himself off and repeatedly gauging the reactions of his popular friends. “Jared…” he rushed out, “I’m sorry.” With that emphatic finale, Jensen dipped his head and scurried out of the lunch room.

 

Jared turned back to his friends. After they had thoroughly laughed themselves breathless, they finally quieted. Sandy clasped her hands under her chin and Chad raised an eyebrow. Jared had been exposed to this combination before,

 

“Well?” Chad and Sandy said in unison.

 

Jared shrugged. “He said sorry.”

 

“And what do you say?” Sandy asked.

 

Jared shrugged again.

 

“It’s easy to me,” Chad said. “Not good enough. He didn’t want his friends to see. We need something sincere, like a heartfelt monologue under your bedroom window.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes. “I didn’t know you paid attention in English class.”

 

Chad made a noncommital noise. “I love a good teenage romance.”

 

***

 

That evening, the Aspen Players had their first rehearsal.

 

It went exactly as expected.

 

No one had memorized their lines or brought a costume, everyone was confused by the choreography, and multiple people had colds and sounded like a strangled possum when they tried to sing.

 

Newton was stressed, but that was practically her default setting, so they were all used to it. Half of the students were out of it or lazy, and the half that tried to appease Newton just couldn’t do enough.

 

It was a clusterfuck.

 

They finished the meeting by doing a simple readthrough; Newton always liked to end things on a win. They all sat around in a big circle onstage with their scripts in hand, Newton pacing behind them and offering curt suggestions when something didn’t satisfy her.

 

So, a lot.

 

It was slow going. Jared wondered if he would get chewed out for leaving to find a phone to call and tell Momma he’d be home late.

 

Jensen had rushed to sit next to Jared. Now that the popular kids were all at football practice, Jensen wasn’t embarrassed by him. Jared didn’t engage him, didn’t fully ignore him. He was proud of himself for being civil. He was sick of being treated like an outcast by anyone from the other side of the tracks. 

 

They had lots of scenes together. Jensen was a good actor and had a lot of his lines memorized. Jared was, too, and had also spent some time with the script. Well, more like obsessing over it, but still.

 

Newton stopped Jared midsentence. He thought he’d been doing okay and tried not to look too put out when he turned to meet her eyes. “Yes, Mrs. Newton?”

 

Newton tapped her heel against the stage laminate. Clack clack clack. “It’s good, you’re projecting, using emotion… but it’s missing something.”

 

Jared’s cheeks burned. He looked down, hoping there weren’t bored theater kids staring at him right now. “I’m sorry,” he said.

 

Newton clicked her tongue. “I think I know what it is. You. And you--” Newton stopped to nod at Jensen, who also went red, “lack chemistry.”

 

“Chemistry, ma’am?” Jensen echoed, drawly.

 

“Chemistry,” Newton confirmed. “You’re both wonderful actors, and clearly know your characters, but this is a romance, people! I should feel the pain! The want! The sexual tension!”

 

Jared almost choked. The theater kids laughed. Newton hushed them. “Once more,” she said. “This time, with some umph.”

 

She stepped back. “From the top.”

 

Jensen rolled his shoulders and cleared his throat. He turned to face Jared. “Angel,” he said, with a desperate tinge, “Angel, baby, be my queen.”

 

Jared was still blushing, but he forced himself to meet Jensen’s eyes and speak. “Be my king,” he hissed, adding a raspy, feminine edge to his voice.

 

“I’ll be your moat,” Jensen said, and got on his hands and knees.

 

Jared coughed. He only hesitated for a second before they moved into the singing part. Jensen stood, holding his hand out to Jared. Jared paled, but at Newton’s excited look, he took Jensen’s hand, and allowed Jensen to lead him into a slow dance.

 

A slow, close dance, chest to chest. Jared could feel Jensen’s breath puff out against him as he sang. Jensen’s hand was low on his back.

 

It was a whirlwind, a confusing whirlwind.

 

As soon as it had started, it was over, and he and Jensen sat back down breathlessly. Newton clapped enthusiastically. “See, boys and girls?” she chirped. “That’s how it’s done.”

 

***

 

Chad was relentless on the walk home.

 

“I mean, the dude’s a dick, but he’s got chops,” Chad said. “He really sold it back there. Gotta say, real Romeo vibes.”

 

Jared punched Chad in the arm. “Shut up,” he said. 

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Chad said. “Dont hate me for telling the truth. Also, in the words of the popular culture of our times, don’t hate you ‘cuz you ain’t me.”

 

Jared snorted, and Chad smiled like an idiot. They parted ways, and when Jared got home, he read through the script, Jensen’s singing echoing in his brain and lulling him to sleep.

 

***

 

Jared was floating through the streets of New York. 

 

It was winter. It was night. It was cold, the brick behemoths rising up around him, a trash can fire burning in an alley he passed with three people huddled around it. Snowflakes drifted aimlessly in the darkness.

 

Ahead of him, surrounded by an ethereal glow, Jensen waited. 

 

He smiled widely as Jared approached. Jensen reached out and pet Jared’s wings. Jensen smiled, his face glowing even brighter. “You’re beautiful, Angel,” he said. Jared felt his halo tingling.

 

Jensen cupped his face, leaned in, and kissed him. 

 

They dissolved into snow, a blizzard growing, Jared feeling like fireworks, a chilly breeze carrying them away and out onto the Atlantic.

 

***

 

Jared woke up sweaty and uncomfortable, the feeling from the dream still fluttering through him and sending his heart pounding.

 

And he was hard.

 

He groaned, rolling over and burying his face in his pillow. This was. This was so fucked up. Jared didn’t want to delve into the meanings or ramifications of the dream.

 

All he could remember was kissing Jensen and how it made him feel.

 

And, uh, how it was making him feel right now. 

 

Jared scrubbed his face with one hand and reached into his boxers--almost in defeat--with his other hand. Cheeks burning, Jared gave into his body’s demands, biting off a groan. He checked the time. It was an hour before his alarm would go off, before the sun would even rise.

 

Once he was finished, Jared looked up at the ceiling, panicked and sticky.

 

It didn’t have to mean anything. People had weird, unexplainable dreams all the time. Jared once dreamed that Chad was his step dad. That didn’t mean he wanted Chad to marry his mom. Obviously.

 

So this didn’t have to mean he had feelings for Jensen.

 

Feelings for Jensen. The phrase itself sent anxiety spiking through Jared’s veins.

 

Besides, the dream was obviously  _ Rent _ -themed. It was probably just a result of practice last night, nothing more. Jared had gone to sleep reading lines and thinking about Jensen’s singing. He was a teenage boy. It wasn’t an odd combination.

 

Jared felt himself slowly but surely calming down, his body relaxing once again. He sighed. Had Jensen called him Angel the character, or angel the affectionate nickname?

 

Why was he even asking himself? There was no reason.

 

Jared curled up on his side and tried to get a little bit more sleep before he had to face the day.

 

***

 

That Sunday came way too quickly.

 

Jared was unprepared.

 

He didn’t really want to see Jensen alone again. He knew that if Jensen acted as nice and sweet as usual, Jared would buy in, would smile back, be his friend, only for the entire charade to disappear once school started on Monday. It was so stupid.

 

But he couldn’t quit on Jensen; as much as he hated it, Jensen needed his help. Jared was a good teacher and he’d gotten through to Jensen last time. That feeling was addicting. He wanted to see Jensen do better on every assignment and know he’d made that happen.

 

Not only that, but Megan and Momma had met Jensen a total of once and already doted on him like he was one of their own. Jared didn’t know the true nature of Megan’s feelings, but even so, he didn’t want to rob her of a new friend.

 

That was enough for Jared to summon the energy and get out of bed.

 

This time, he didn’t clean the house. Jensen could see it as is. A teenager, tweenager, single mom, and two dogs lived there. So what. It was cramped and cluttered. So what. 

 

Jared was sitting on the couch with Sadie and Harley when the doorbell rang. He got up to get it just as thundering footsteps startled the dogs. Megan took the stairs two at a time, launching herself at the door. She threw it open with bravado. “Hi, Jensen,” she said, grinning broadly.

 

The dogs were there a second later, barking, tails wagging hard enough to bruise, and Jensen scritched their chins until they were in a delighted stupor. When he was done, he turned to Megan, who was still loitering nearby with her hands clasped behind her back.

 

Jensen smiled at her, stepping past her and toeing out of his shoes. “Hey, Meg,” he said. “Where’s your brother?”

 

Megan pointed toward Jared, and Jared walked over. Jensen smiled. “Hi, Jared,” he said.

 

Jared didn’t smile back. “Hi.”

 

Jensen’s smile fell. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could say anything, Momma called from the kitchen, “kids, your pancakes are gettin’ cold!”

 

***

 

Jensen was working quietly, a copy of  _ Romeo and Juliet _ out on the coffee table besides two dictionaries: one for modern English, one for middle. He was scribbling words in a notebook, mouthing along with the sentence with a furrowed brow, petting Sadie with his free hand. She was looking up at him like he was the reason for sunny days, clearly not satisfied with only half his attention.

 

Jared watched all of this idly. He heard a muffled laugh echo through the house. Megan and Momma were on the back patio hosing off Harley, who’d decided to have an impromptu mud bath in the flower beds. 

 

Jared’s homework had been finished by Friday night, as per usual. Besides some nightly time with the script, he really didn’t have to do anything today. He should be relaxed. It should be a perfect Sunday. It was the dead of fall, but in central Texas that didn’t mean much. It was sunny, it was warm.

 

But his thoughts were occupied by Jensen.

 

As always, Jared felt like a socially inept, emotionally confused drama queen, overthinking and worrying about everything. It was just. He liked Jensen, and he felt guilty for how he was acting, but it wasn’t like Jensen was being a saint, either. Jensen was being unfair. 

 

“Are you gonna say something sometime?” Jensen murmured, eyes still scanning a dictionary page.

 

“I have been saying stuff,” Jared bumbled.

 

Jensen dropped his pencil and looked over at Jared. “Nothing real.”

 

Jared didn’t have a response to that.

 

Jensen dragged a hand through his hair. “Jay, I said I was sorry.”

 

Jared didn’t even process the nickname at first. “I know. It’s fine.”

 

Jensen threw him a look of utter disbelief. “It obviously isn’t.”

 

Jared’s frustration bulldozed past his reservations. “What do you want me to say?” he countered. “You mumbled it once then ran away so your friends wouldn’t see.”

 

Jensen’s mouth dropped. He sputtered for a comically long amount of time. “That’s not true!”

 

Jared scoffed. “Then what happened, Jensen?”

 

Jensen quieted for a moment. “I got nervous,” he said.

 

“Why?”

 

“I dunno, you…” Jensen searched for the words. “You make me nervous.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“In a good way.”

 

“There is no good way.”

 

“I want you to like me,” Jensen said loudly, pushing away all the school work on the table. “Jared, I really like you, okay? That’s why you make me nervous.”

 

Jared was the quiet one after that. Jensen wasn’t looking at him anymore, looking down at the ground instead. 

 

“I like you, too,” Jared said. “I want to be your friend. But your friends think I’m stupid.”

 

Jensen looked like he was going to fight that, but he eventually slouched back into the cushions. “I know. But if they met you, I think they’d like you. You’re funny.”

 

Jared snorted. “Pass.”

 

“I promise they’re not bad people,” Jensen said earnestly. “They just… grew up a certain way.”

 

Jared shook his head. “I’ve heard that before.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Jared shook his head again. “Nevermind. Look. You can have your friends. I just don’t want to be made fun of all the time. I don’t want you to be embarrassed. You can be my friend. But Chad and Sandy and me, we’re a package deal. And we’re weird. And you can’t be ashamed to be seen with us.”

 

“I won’t,” Jensen said, and he was so stonefaced it’s almost funny. “I promise.”

 

“Okay,” Jared breathed out. “Then I accept your apology.”

 

Jensen’s face lit up, and his smile was contagious. “Really?”

 

“Really,” Jared confirmed, and they spent a few beats just grinning stupidly at each other.

 

Sadie barked, upset that she wasn’t the center of attention. The moment faded, they both laughed, and Jensen gave Sadie some belly rubs for good measure.

 

***

 

Jensen got permission from his parents to stay for dinner, and Momma was delighted. Jensen was the usual gentleman, and now that he and Jared had reached an armistice, he was relaxed, too. He helped Momma get all the ingredients out for a chicken bake with a side of asparagus and potatoes. Jared set the table. He finished early, sitting at his spot and playing tic-tac-toe on a napkin with Meg.

 

“I win!” Megan said while Jared was distracted, watching Jensen and Momma bicker. He looked back to see she had curved one of his halfassed “x”es into an o and struck a line through an illegal three in a row. 

 

Jared scratched out the whole board. “Cheating disqualifies you, so I win by default,” he said, crumpling up the napkin and tossing it into the trash.

 

Megan protested. Jensen notices the throw. “Three pointer!” he said. Jared did a dramatic bow.

 

Momma “tsk”ed loudly. “Jarebear, baby, I didn’t teach you to let your friend do all the work while you sit there playing games.”

 

“I set the table!” Jared protested. 

 

Momma shook her head. “Come over and help him stir the potatoes. They’re almost at a boil.”

 

Jared groaned. “Why does Meg get to sit around?” He ambled over to Jensen, who handed him a big spoon. 

 

“I already did my chores,” Megan proclaimed. “I am a perfect child.”

 

“Suuuure,” Jared said, stirring the potatoes. Jensen snorted but tried to cover it up with a not-so-subtle cough. That made Jared snort. They both devolved into stupid giggles.

 

“Boys!” Momma called. “Those potatoes better be gettin’ stirred.”

 

Momma was stern enough to make them school their expressions and turn their focus back to the stove pot. Before long, the potatoes were boiling, and Momma took over.

 

Momma finished the potatoes while Jensen and Jared served the asparagus and chicken. They did a circle around the table, depositing servings on every plate. Jared got to Megan and scooped out a triple serving of asparagus and a one third serving chicken. Megan glared up at him. “Very funny.”

 

“Hey, this is what you get for feeding yams to the dogs last night,” Jared said, mentally cheering when Momma gasped right on cue. “Extra veggies, that’s the rule.”

 

Megan was outraged. “Mom!”

 

Momma whirled around to face Megan with a hand on her hip. “Is that true, Megan Anne?”

 

Megan didn’t respond. That was good enough for Momma. “Double vegetables,” Momma said, while Megan glared at Jared and mimed cutting across her throat. Jared spit his tongue out in reply.

 

Sibling warfare got set aside for meal time, and Jared dug in. He groaned, Jensen groaned. Megan may not love asparagus, but even she could appreciate it. They ate in silence, with the occasional moan of appreciation. Jared hadn’t realized how hungry studying had made him.

 

“So, Jensen,” Momma said, cutting her chicken into even little cubes. “You’re in Aspen Players with Jared, right?”

 

“Yes, ma’am,” Jensen answered, dabbing his mouth with a napkin. “I’m playing opposite him.”

 

“Opposite?” Momma asked. “What role?”

 

Oh, god. Jared couldn’t predict how this conversation would go. “Um-”

 

“I’m playing Tom,” Jensen said. “Jared’s playing Angel.”

 

“Angel and Tom,” Momma said, and Jared wanted to hide his face, because Momma has read the script, too, more than once. “Won’t your classmates talk?”

 

Jared almost choked on his potatoes. Leave it to Momma to be so frank. He kept quiet, watching Jensen with big eyes.

 

Jensen shrugged. “ _ Rent _ is very progressive. It’s an important story,” he said. “Angel’s arc needs to be told.”

 

It was a nice answer, but it didn’t really say much. Momma seemed pleased enough, though, and quietly drank her water. “You boys don’t get too crazy with it,” she said.

 

Jared wanted to die. He hid his face. “Momma, please.”

 

Momma laughed. “Oh, hush, Jare-baby. It’s a mother’s job to worry.”

 

“I’ll take good care of him,” Jensen said, once again far too solemn, and Jared kicked Jensen under the table.

 

Jensen startled. “Ow!”

 

Momma’s head whipped over to Jared. “Jared Tristan, did you just kick our guest?”

 

Jared couldn’t believe this. “How am I in trouble again?”

 

Jensen failed to hide a laugh. “Tristan?” he said.

 

Jared kicked Jensen again, and it was worth the way Momma chewed him out. 

 

***

 

Megan and Momma and Jensen were all laughing and smiling, and Jared’s face hurt from it, too. The dogs had been at Jensen’s heels all night, “cuddle sluts,” as Megan called them. They were all standing at the door, and Jensen had his shoes and jacket on, but no one made to open the door or say any goodbyes. 

 

Jared almost couldn’t believe what a good time he’d had. He’d been so convinced Jensen was only being nice for the tutoring perks, and the fact they’d have to work together in  _ Rent, _ but what Jensen did tonight went beyond manipulative dick. Jared hadn’t laughed like that in a long time.

 

“Let me walk you home,” Jared offered. “It’s real dark.” He couldn’t believe how relaxed he felt around someone that wasn’t Chad, Sandy, or his family.

 

Jensen agreed immediately. “I’d appreciate that. Sherri?”

 

Momma was swooning. “Of course,” she said. “Thank you for asking, Jensen.”

 

Jensen bobbed his head. “My pleasure. Okay. We should git, then. See you, Sherri, see you, Megan. It was a lovely night. The chicken was delicious.”

 

“Thank you for coming, sweetheart,” Momma said. “Have a good night.”

 

“I will,” Jensen promised. “Bye.”

 

“Bye!” Momma and Megan were a chorus as Jared went for the door and let the two of them out.

 

The night was crisp and clear. Jensen let out a breath, his hands shoved into his coat pockets. He looked up at the mostly-full moon with a smile as they walked down the driveway. “I like your family,” he said.

 

It was frank, but nice. “They like you, too,” Jared said. “A lot. Megan asks when you’re coming over like three times a week.”

 

Jensen laughed. “You think she has a crush on me?”

 

Jared made a face. “Ugh. I hope not.”

 

“What, you don’t want to be my brother in law?”

 

“Dude.” Jared elbowed Jensen. “She’s in middle school.”

 

“Just teasing,” Jensen said. “She’s no match for you.”

 

Jared almost died then, extremely casually, of course.

 

Jensen must not have known how he sounded. In Jared’s head, it was straying beyond the lines of friendly banter. Jared realized he’d gone red and silent, and tried to recover with a laugh, but it came out as more of a croak. “Sure,” he said, sarcastically, and Jensen laughec. 

 

Jensen moved on, oblivious to Jared’s internal conflicts, talking about the Cowboys or something else stupid. Jared “mm hmm”ed and “uh-uh”ed at the appropriate times, but his mind was elsewhere.

 

Maybe he was jumping the gun, maybe he was anxiously overthinking it, but Jared thought he might have feelings for Jensen.

 

His palms have never been sweaty like this, and all Jensen did was make one comment that maybe could be read in a certain light as flirtatious. That was all Jensen did, and Jared’s body was reacting like he’d walked in on Jensen naked holding a rose between his teeth.

 

Oh, god. Oh god oh god oh god. Jared did not need to give himself that image.

 

It was definitely a crush.

 

By the time they got to Jensen’s house, Jared was too preoccupied with his thoughts to process where they were standing. Jensen stopped walking, and Jared bumped into him, blinking out of his anxiety-induced trance.

 

Jensen wore a nervous little smile. “We’re here,” he said.

 

Here? Oh. Home. Jensen’s home. Jared looked up.

 

Holy cow.

 

Jensen lived in the Red House.

 

The freaking Red House.

 

The Red House was a piece of history and mythology from his and Chad’s childhood. The Red House was on the way to their elementary school, so every bus ride they would drive past it. Chad and Jared would glue themselves to the window, watching the Red House.

 

The Red House was a huge colonial-style house with bright red siding, white window treatments, and black shutters. It had to be at least four or five bedrooms, and the lawn was massive. Like put soccer goals at either end massive. It had always been immaculately kept up, with beautiful rose bushes and pruned pear trees. 

 

Jared had never known the owners, only knew it had been for sale over the summer when he, Chad, and Sandy had biked past.

 

And now Jensen lived there.

 

A Mercedes sedan was parked in the circular front drive. Jared stared up at the Red House in a daze as they walked up the driveway and to the two front doors, French style or whatever.

 

Jensen paused at the porch. “You want to meet my parents?”

 

“No!” Jared blurted. At Jensen’s sad puppy look, Jared added, “I’m just. Tired and out of it right now. Later.”

 

“Okay.” Jensen still didn’t move. “Are you still mad at me?”

 

“What?” Jared swallowed, his heart pounding in his chest. “No.”

 

“You’re just quiet.”

 

“I’m just… freaking out about the play, and Momma,” Jared lied. “It’s not you, I promise.”

 

Jensen relaxed and smiled at Jared. “Hey. You’ll be fine,” he said. “It’ll be okay. I don’t think people will be too awful about it.”

 

Jared managed a smile in response. “Yeah. Alright. Thanks, Jensen.”

 

“Well. Goodnight,” Jensen said.

 

“Night, Jensen. See you tomorrow.”

 

“See you.” Jensen gave him a little parting wave before turning and disappearing inside. Jared turned around and walked home. He greeted Sadie and Harley once he was inside.

 

He laid in bed staring up at the ceiling, thoughts all clashing together.

 

What in the hell was he going to tell Chad and Sandy?

 

***

 

Jensen was waiting for him outside of the room when Jared went to English class that morning. In full view of his friends.

 

Jensen was as cool as one could be, leaning against the cinderblocks with one foot kicked up, wearing his usual letterman jacket and beaten up (but still obviously expensive) sneakers. He perked up when he saw Jared. 

 

Jared tried to school his face, tried not to turn a bright shade of red, but it was all in vain. He was grinning shyly by the time Jensen beamed at him and drew him into a masculine, body-slam type of hug. 

 

Jared stepped back, trying to get air back into his lungs where Jensen had forced it out. Jared’s smile grew wider. “Hey, Jensen,” he said. 

 

“Hey.” Jensen’s smile was glued in place. “You ready for the quiz today?”

 

Jared tilted his head. “Are you?”

 

Jensen shrugged, his hands jammed in his jacket pockets. “Am I, oh great teacher?”

 

Jared ducked his head. He looked up at Jensen under his lashes. “Well I-”

 

“Jen!” someone cawed. 

 

Jensen turned, visibly brightening as a blonde girl--Kendra, maybe? Kelly?--bounced over. She was in casual dress but a duffel bag slung across her shoulder was bulging with what was clearly a cheer uniform and pom poms. 

 

“Kallie! Hey!” Jensen said, enveloping her in a hug with decidedly less body slammage than the one Jared had been given. When they pulled apart, one of Kallie’s arms lingered on Jensen’s elbow. She smiled up at him with quirked lips.

 

Jared tuned them out the moment he saw the way Jensen responded to her. Jensen stepped in close, closer than friends would stand, and barely reacted when Kallie leaned up and picked an eyelash off his cheek. She was inviting him to a party and he was excitedly agreeing to show up.

 

Jared knew what that meant. He caught Jensen’s eye and waved goodbye as he slipped into class and plopped into his seat. 

 

He was honestly taking this way too seriously. He had just developed the crush and didn’t know if it was real or if it was puppy love yet. Jensen was just that nice of a boy. He had Jared’s feelings-ometer all out of whack and maladjusted. Plus, Jensen had never indicated he felt anything similar. Jared was just reading obsessively into Jensen’s niceness.

 

Ugh.

 

Jared felt like a pinball being shot around the machine by a skilled professional. Back and forth, back and forth. Was Jensen his friend? Did he hate Jensen? Did he love Jensen?

 

It was all too quick. He didn’t know. He just knew that the thing with Kallie in the hallway had upset him and he didn’t want to think about it too deeply.

 

The bell rang, other kids filed in, and Jared got out his pencil. He distracted himself by reviewing facts about  _ Romeo and Juliet _ for the quiz. Tutoring Jensen had also helped him stay fresh on concepts for the quiz. He’d do okay.

 

Right before the final bell, Jensen hurried inside, calling goodbye to Kallie. He squeezed Jared’s shoulder as he passed and sat down right behind him. 

 

Mr. Ellis was all business today. He handed out the scan tron sheets, gave strict instructions and warned what a grave mistake cheating was, and handed out the quiz, writing how much time was left on the board. 

 

Jared leaned forward, getting to work immediately. The time flew by, and he was the first one done with his quiz. Mr. Ellis wasn’t surprised when Jared handed him the neatly filled out scantron. “Thank you, Jared,” he whispered. “Looking forward to grading this.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes. “See you tomorrow, Mr. Ellis.”

 

Mr. Ellis waved him off. “See you then.”

 

Jared turned and made his way to the door. Before he left, he shot one lingering look at Jensen, who was still hard at work. Jensen’s brows were furrowed into one long caterpillar, creases lining his forehead as he squinted down at the quiz. He was tapping a beat on his hand with his pencil. 

 

Aware he was lingering, Jared left. Mr. Ellis trusted him enough to let him wait out the period in tn the hallway. Jared sat down, staring at a mural on the opposite wall as he mused vaguely on several topics. His mind was especially full recently. He practiced some of Angel’s lines in his head, wondered about his grades, his future. Tried to remember if he let the dogs out that morning. 

 

And pined over Jensen. And imagined a purple dragon swooping in and stealing Kallie away so she was never to be seen again.

 

Jared put his head in his hands. He was such a drama baby. 

 

The bell rang, and Jared hopped up, immediately heading toward the cafeteria to escape the usual rush hour. He sat at the table with a sigh, slinging off his backpack and pulling out his bag lunch. It only took a few beats for other students to flood in, and with them, came Sandy and Chad.

 

Sandy headed for the lunch line, saving her spot at the table with her backpack. Chad sat down across from Jared, pulling out a cold burger from a local fast food place he’d probably snagged on his way to school. Chad’s mom drove him on the way to work and they had a drive through routine. 

 

Jared loved unpacking his Momma’s meals. She always cut his sandwiches into quarters and packed him little bags of pretzels or chips. There was always an apple or an orange, a napkin with Winnie the Pooh characters on it, and a sticky note stuck to the inside of the bag.

 

Today’s note read: Finish last sometime! You can learn from those in front. Love Momma

 

Jared smiled, folding the note in half and slipping it into his backpack along with all the others. Jared had started on his lunch, prying the plastic wrap off of his sandwich, when someone sat down next to Chad. A steaming lunch tray was set down.

 

Jared looked up. “That didn’t take long--”

 

Sandy didn’t look back at him, Jensen did. Chad paused in devouring his burger to stare up at Jensen. “Excuse me?” Chad said. “What do you think you’re doing?”

 

Jensen frowned. “Uh-”

 

“Who is in my seat?” Sandy yelled. They all turned to watch her run over, lunch tray held high, milk carton wobbling precariously. 

 

Jensen paled. “I’m really sorry--”

 

Sandy pushed his tray over to the broken seat. “Up! Out!”

 

Jensen complied, jogging around the table to sit in the wobbly seat next to Jared. He almost fell again, but Jared reached out in time, enveloping Jensen in a protective sideways hug. 

 

“Thanks,” Jensen said, and they sat up as one. Jared held on for a brief second before untangling himself from Jensen. 

 

“No problem,” Jared said. “Just, uh, don’t sit in Sandy’s seat. She’s real particular about that.”

 

“Real particular,” Sandy echoed, with emphasis on “real.”

 

Jensen smiled at them all, bobbing his head, still looking unsure of his place. “Got it,” he said. “Do, uh, you ever think we’ll get this seat fixed?”

 

“Are you considering becoming a regular of the League of Extremely Greatness?” Chad asked. “Or ‘LEG’ for short?”

 

“Oh, yes,” Jensen bobbed his head. “I’d love to join LEG. Do you guys meet after school, or--”

 

There was a single beat where everyone was silent and Jensen seemed to realize his mistake. The beat ended and they all dissolved into idiotic laughter, including Jensen. 

 

“Dude,” Chad gasped. “Seriously? LEG? Damn, I shoulda gone for the Association of Super Sitters.”

 

“Fine, fine, you got me,” Jensen said, all pink. “Thanks for the hazing, I’m gonna come to school tomorrow with a sledgehammer and a new seat.”

 

“Why not just bring a screwdriver?” Sandy asked. 

 

Jensen kicked the base of his seat. “I kind of have a vendetta,” he said.

 

Jared snorted. “Because an inanimate object is a worthy opponent.”

 

Jensen glared. “Like you don’t coo at your computer when it doesn’t work right.”

 

Jared sputtered at the same time Chad and Sandy made various “ooh”s and “what? He does?”-es. “That’s private information!”

 

“Blackmail! Blackmail!” Sandy sang, doing a little dance in her seat.

 

“Jensen.” One of the football players, Liam, stood behind Jensen. “What are you doing?”

 

The mood at the table changed at an instant. Sandy put down her arms--which she’d been flapping like bird’s wings--and went quiet. Chad leaned back, lips thinned. Jared kept his eyes glued on Jensen.

 

Jensen laughed nervously. “I’m, uh, I’m having lunch,” he said.

 

Liam spared the others only the briefest of dismissive glances. “What are you doing over here?” Liam elaborated. He jerked his head back to the crowded group of tables where the Cheer Fear Squad roosted. Several people with perfectly coiffed hair waved Jensen over invitingly. “Come on. We saved your spot.”

 

Jensen looked at Chad, Sandy, and Jared in turn. Jared couldn’t keep eye contact. 

“Thanks, but I’m gonna stay,” Jensen said.

 

“Whatever. Don’t hang with the theater kids too long or you’ll turn into a queer,” Liam said before returning to his spot across the cafeteria.

 

Jared’s table was silent for a long time. They ate quietly, Jared checking the time on his watch. 

 

Sandy cleared her throat, grabbing everyone’s attention. “Thank you for staying,” she said.

 

Jensen didn’t say anything, just bobbed his head and kept eating.

 

“Now do you think they were just raised a certain way?” Jared muttered, keeping his eyes on his sandwich. Liam’s icy words echoed in his head and made his stomach flip and flop.

 

Jensen looked pained. He didn’t respond, instead focusing carefully on dipping his chicken nuggets in ketchup. 

 

The lunch bell rang, and they all quietly packed up and headed their separate ways.

 

***

 

Jared was feeling a little lighter by the time play practice came around. His biology class had been fun--watching Bill Nye always calmed him down--and he’d had some time to think about what happened at lunch.

 

Sure, Liam was a dick. An evil dick. Who made Jared feel small and weird.

 

But maybe it was a necessary evil to show Jensen that not everyone was nice all the time. Jared was an optimist; he wasn’t in the business of eroding Jensen’s faith in humanity. But Jensen seemed to believe that people didn’t get along because of random, stupid little things. Now, hopefully he knew it was bigger than that.

 

Jared didn’t really know what he wanted from Jensen. He didn’t know if he wanted Jensen to introduce him to his friends and find a way to make two worlds learn about each other. He didn’t know if he wanted Jensen to scorn his friends, swear them all off as monsters.

 

That didn’t feel right.

 

None of it felt right.

 

Jared was lighter, sure, a little further away from what happened, but it didn’t mean he was happy.

 

He was happy to put all of his focus into  _ Rent. _

 

They were finally getting into the musical numbers. 

 

This meant long days of challenging choreography, constant singing, and getting critique after critique from a gradually more frustrated Newton.

 

It was fun.

 

Everyone was in it together. A lot of the songs were catchy or incredibly soulful, leaving some people misty eyed. No one was a great singer; no one was awful. They all gave it their best and weathered the storm whenever Newton would silently pace the stage, trying to figure out where she went wrong.

 

They made it through the first few songs okay. Then, inevitably, it was time for Jared and Jensen’s big duet. 

 

The BIG duet. As in. Physical. Intimate. 

 

Sexual. 

 

Tom and Angel serenading each other was more than a song, if you caught Jared’s drift.

 

It also involved a lot of complicated movements, dancing around set pieces that weren’t fully constructed yet, which meant the majority of the rest of the meeting would be focused on their duet.

 

Meaning everyone else would be focused on Jared and Jensen, while they performed it over and over again, practicing while Newton tutted quietly at them.

 

Jared massaged his roiling tummy as he walked onto stage. Part of him still hadn’t processed what was actually about to happen. It didn’t feel real. He was a jittery mess, his brain still recovering from being trapped in a volatile emotional slingshot over the past few weeks.

 

When everyone got on stage, Newton strode over to Jared with a garment in her hands and tossed it to him. 

 

Jared looked down at the article in his hands. It was a silky bath robe. Jared went red. “Um, Mrs. Newton--”

 

“-Put that on,” Newton interrupted. “You can keep your pants on, but we’ll get you something better for the show. I won’t make you flash anyone, but we can at least commit to an air of realism.”

 

Mutely, face still burning, Jared put the robe on. Newton “tsk”ed at him before he had slipped it onto one shoulder. “Shirt off.”

 

There were a few giggles around the room. Jared met Sandy’s eyes and she gave him a thumbs up. Jared refused to look at Jensen, even in his periphery. 

 

Jared took his shirt off, blushing something furious, hunching to obscure as much of his body as possible while he fumbled with the robe, closing it tightly and hugging his arms to his chest. 

 

Newton came up behind him, patting him on the shoulder. “Jared,” she said. “No one’s going to judge you. Do you think Angel would try to hide himself away like that?”

 

Jared kept his eyes to the ground. “N-no, but--”

 

“What am I wearing?” Jensen asked. “If Jared’s gotta put himself out there, I should, too.”

 

Jared shot Jensen a grateful look. Jensen gave him a tiny nod but turned back to Newton.

 

“Good question!” Newton asked. With flourish, she pulled out a big, white, stereotypical pair of boxers, covered in a pattern of red hearts. 

 

Jensen looked like he was regretting speaking up. “That’s it?”

 

“That’s it,” Newton confirmed.

 

Mutely, Jensen took the boxers from Newton. 

 

“Go change,” she ordered. “You can keep your boxers on underneath.”

 

Jensen shot Jared a look before disappearing to the dressing rooms. He came back a few minutes later, mirroring Jared’s hunched posture, wearing the giant boxers like a Victorian woman’s bloomers. 

 

“Lookin’ good!” Chad called out.

 

Jensen shuffled over to Jared with a small, self-sabotaging smile. He was almost as embarrassed as Jared, but all Jared could think about was how beautiful he looked.

 

Jensen was an athlete. He was defined, and had stark tan lines, separating the softness of his hips from his defined stomach muscles and pecs. He had a little happy trail disappearing into the ridiculous boxers. 

 

Jared had always admired the freckles speckled across Jensen’s cheeks. Now, he could see that Jensen’s shoulders bore the same constellations. 

 

“Thank you,” Jared whispered when Jensen got close enough.

 

Jensen knocked shoulders with Jared. “No problem,” he whispered back.

 

They got to work.

 

It wasn’t so bad, at first. Jared felt less exposed with Jensen standing across from him in those idiotic boxers. He gained confidence as they went through the beginning of the scene--which was pretty innocent as far as these things went--and let his robe fall open, trying not to look like he wanted to curl up and die.

 

Jared flounced over to an imaginary window. Jensen came up behind him, rubbing his hands up and down Jared’s sides. “Baby, come on,” he implored.

 

Jared jumped, heart exploding in his chest. Heat spreading throughout his body, he fumbled to remember the next line. He swallowed. His mouth was so dry. His lips were so chapped. He could feel Jensen’s hands on him as if they were on fire. “Uh-”

 

Oh god, he was going to kiss Jensen. Soon. Like, today.

 

“Line!” Newton called. One of the script kids in the audience flipped through the script. Someone shouted out the line--which Jared had had memorized since the beginning of the semester, of course--and Jared nodded.

 

“From the top,” Newton said.

 

Jensen’s hands dropped away and they went back to their positions. Newton called it, and Jensen walked back over. This time, Jared was ready. He tried to keep firmly in an actor’s headspace while Jensen’s hands rubbed him through his robe. He melted into Jensen’s touch. 

 

“Baby, come on,” Jensen said, his warm breath puffing out against Jared’s neck.

 

“D-Don’t play coy,” Jared rasped, turning his head to meet Jensen’s eyes. “I’m not easy.”

 

“Easy?” Jensen said, backing off. “You won’t go easy?”

 

Song time. Jensen’s voice, perfect as usual. 

 

The choreography of the song was hard enough that Jared was too distracted to panic about the fact that the kiss came next. Newton called “cut” every two frickin’ seconds it felt like, telling Jared to remember his mark or suggesting that Jensen move in a “sexier” way. They never got more than a few lines in before some adjustment needed to be made, and Jared was feeling a bit snappy.

 

Finally, Newton threw her hands up and let them run it all the way through with no interruptions, just to get a feel for things. 

 

Jared sang, proud when his voice didn’t waver, circling Jensen and hopping over the bed that wasn’t there yet. He probably looked like an idiot, but he couldn’t think about the other kids right now. Not when Jensen was singing to him, when Jensen’s eyes were on him, when Jensen kept touching him.

 

The song ended with Jared and Jensen both breathless, inches away from each other. Jensen’s body was shiny with sweat. 

 

Jensen’s hands went to the small of Jared’s back, drawing him into his grasp, and before Jared knew it, Jensen was kissing him.

 

Jared didn’t react at first, too stunned to process it, Jensen’s lips bumping against his. His mouth opened in surprise, and Jensen took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, pressing against Jared’s bottom lip.

 

Jared had never kissed anyone before, didn’t know how to kiss, but Jensen’s hands were massaging his back, and he felt himself leaning into Jensen’s touch, and miraculously, kissing him back.

 

Jared didn’t know how long they kissed for. Jared didn’t know where they were, who he was, or what day it was. He was just the kiss, he was just Jensen’s thumb rubbing at his hipbone through the robe.

 

Jensen ended the kiss, pulling back. In a daze, Jared’s mouth hung open and he stared unseeingly up at Jensen, who was smirking down at him. Jensen’s hand came to his jaw, brushing away a strand of spit. “Angel, baby,” he said, and Jared woke up a little more, finding his way back to his body, “you’re as easy as easy comes.”

 

Jared had no line. No, really. He wasn’t forgetting. That was the end of the scene. He stared at Jensen, unable to move. They stayed in orbit for a few beats in dead silence, before Newton erupted into enthusiastic applause and Jensen twitched, eyes going wide. He wiped at his mouth with the back of his hand and stepped away from Jared.

 

“Beautiful. Wonderful. Such emotion!” Newton exclaimed, hugging her hands to her chest. “Your singing was okay, and your dancing absolutely abysmal, but the feeling was there, and that’s what matters.”

 

Jared turned away. He caught both Sandy and Chad’s looks. Their mouths were both open, eyes huge. He couldn’t tell what they were feeling.

 

“...You got that, Jared?” Newton was addressing him. No, he didn’t get that.

 

“Oh? Uh, yeah, thanks,” Jared babbled senselessly.

 

Newton nodded, satisfied. “Good,” she said. “Alright. Again.”

 

Jared blinked. “A-again?”

 

Newton didn’t see the problem. “Again,” she repeated. “This time, use my notes on your choreography. Remember, it’s a duet!”

 

Jared didn’t speak as he went back to his position by the window. Again, Jensen came up behind him, teasing him, and they flirted shamelessly, with more tact and tension than Jared was capable of doing when he was being himself. He might be dramatic, but by god, he was no Angel. 

 

He spun around, and Jensen sang. They danced around each other, drifting into each other’s orbits, Jared dancing out of reach every time Jensen reached for him. This time, it was a little easier to sink into the role, to be Angel. He could pretend, for a little while, that he had this confidence, that he could believe strongly that someone loved him. 

 

That Jensen loved him.

 

The kiss seemed to come faster this time. Jensen moved just as he had last time, with those big hands of his getting Jared to press up against him. They kissed together this time, Jared meeting Jensen halfway. His eyes fluttered closed, staying closed while Jensen delivered the last line.

 

“Even better.” Newton’s words shook him out of his butterfly, jittery reverie, breaking the fantasy. “I just don’t think either of you are visualizing the set quite yet…”

 

Jared tuned Newton out. He opened his eyes, checking Jensen’s reaction, but Jensen was turned away from him, listening to Newton intently, cheeks pinked. Pinked from what, though--just the effort of the dance and the kiss or something deeper--Jared had no clue.

 

The rest of practice flashed by. They practiced twice more, kissing deeper every time, and Jared could’ve sworn he felt Jensen’s tongue brush against his lip during the last one. Newton gave them notes, Jared didn’t pay attention in a lovestruck haze, and they moved on.

 

The next scene Newton wanted to practice didn’t involve their characters, so Jared sat back for the rest of practice, sitting in the back of the theater, wrapped up in his thoughts, unaware of the world around him.

 

“Jay. Jay. Jay. Hey,” Jared blinked. Someone was yelling something. He looked up at Chad, who was shaking him by the shoulder. “Dude, time to go.”

 

Jared’s fingers were tracing phantom sensations on his lips, and he tore them away, blushing. He cleared his throat, standing up and stretching. He grabbed his things and followed Chad out of the theater at a jog.

 

Chad didn’t waste any time. They were barely out of the building before he was spinning Jared around. “Dude,” he said. “I was not the only one who saw that.”

 

“Saw what?” Jared said, playing dumb.

 

Chad punched him. Jared rubbed at his arm. “Dude,” Chad said. “He is so into you.”

 

Jared blinked. “What?”

 

“Don’t be coy,” Chad said. “Are you two together? Fall in love over study dates?”

 

“No!” Jared blurted. “Honestly, no.”

 

Chad read something off of him. “But…?”

 

Jared ducked his head, rubbing at the back of his neck. “But I wish,” he said softly. “I’m not sure what you’re seeing, but it’s not him who’s into me. I’m into him. A lot.”

 

“Holy shit,” Chad breathed. “How do you know he doesn’t feel the same?” At Jared’s disbelieving look, he powered on. “No, really. How do you know?”

 

Jared threw his arms out. “Because he’s Mr. Football! He’s straight! Kallie fondled him before English class and he sure seemed to like it.”

 

“Uh, and he sure seemed to like kissing you,” Chad said. “I’m thinking rumors of his straightness were greatly exaggerated.”

 

“Whatever,” Jared sighs. “Nothing can come of it.”

 

“Oh, god,” Chad groaned. “You’re reading too much  _ Romeo and Juliet _ .”

 

“The school would go nuts,” Jared said. “I don’t want that.”

 

“Don’t think about the school,” Chad said. “Think about true love.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes. “See you tomorrow.”

 

“Heed my advice,” Chad called out as they parted ways. “See you.”

 

That night, Jared skipped dinner, opting instead to go up to his room and flop face-first onto his bed, body abuzz, mind replaying the practice over and over again.

 

He was so screwed.

 

***

 

Mr. Ellis handed back tests face down, eyes forward, pokerfaced. It was like a military march. Jared checked his. An A+. He put it back down. 

 

There was no subtle way to twist in his chair and check on Jensen. He just went for it instead, and found Jensen looking wide-eyed down at a C-.

 

Their eyes met. Jared’s face reflected Jensen’s. Oh shit.

 

When the bell rang, Jared didn’t hop out of his seat and sprint off to his next class. He hung back while Jensen packed his things. “Jensen--”

 

“It’s okay,” Jensen quickly cut him off. “It wasn’t your fault. Guess some people are lost causes, huh?” He laughed, but it was hollow.

 

“You’re not a lost cause,” Jared said, invoking as much sincerity as possible. “Let me see that.”

 

He swiped Jensen’s paper from Jensen’s desk before he could protest. He scanned through the marks Mr. Ellis gave Jensen. It started out alright--with matching characters and defining words, Jensen did alright. That stirred a warm little bubble of pride in Jared’s tummy. Jensen was pretty good at the Middle English stuff now. 

 

It was later on that Jared had to admit that it really fell apart.

 

The second half of the assignment was all short essay. Explain a character’s motivation this, argue for a metaphor that. Blah, blah, blah. Jensen’s grammar was alright--they’d been working on that, too--but the essay basically repeated the same nonsense sentence four times. 

 

Jensen read Jared’s disapproval from his face. “I’m an idiot,” he said.

 

“You’re not,” Jared immediately protested. “You just don’t know essay structure. We can fix that, easy.”

 

“Easy?” Jensen repeated, but with much more doubt.

 

“Easy,” Jared confirmed, smiling at Jensen with all the confidence he could muster, like an artist before a lumpy block of clay that would soon become a masterpiece. “Easy like Angel.”

 

“Easy like--” Jensen processed Jared’s reference, and his eyes went dark. He took his test from Jared, clearing his throat. “Well, thank you for all the help,” he said. “Even though I’m going to fail.”

 

“You’re not going to fail,” Jared said. “Just start coming two days a week, okay? Saturday and Sunday or sometime during the week. Once you get essay stuff, you’ll be stellar. You’ll pull off a C at least.”

 

“What if you came to my place?”

 

Jared blinked at Jensen’s offer, begging his brain not to read into it. It was too late. He was already imagining what Jensen’s bedroom would like, especially with an aroused Jensen inside. Jared almost choked on nothing, picturing zombies and moldy food and anything that wasn’t the scar beneath Jensen’s right nipple that he’d seen during practice. “What?”

 

“What if we studied at my place?” Jensen asked. “You could meet my parents. You’ve never been over.”

 

“Oh, um,” Jared floundered, blushing. “I’m not so sure about that.”

 

“They’ve heard so much about you,” Jensen pressed. “They really want to meet you. They won’t bite, I promise.”

 

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Jared surprised himself by saying.

 

Jensen lit up immediately, looking happier than a field full of Golden Retrievers. “Sweet! I’ll call you. See you at lunch.” Jensen stood up as the warning bell rang, ruffling Jared’s hair as he passed.

 

Jared stood up in a daze, reaching up to fix his hair as he ambled to class. He was late for the first time in his entire high school career, but it didn’t matter. All he could think about was Jensen.

 

***

 

Jensen was already there when lunch rolled around, and this time, no jocks or cheerleaders came over to coerce him back to his other table. Jared wasn’t sure how to feel about that or what it meant. A few of them waved at Jensen, which felt like a good thing. Jared wasn’t too keen on considering the subject further.

 

Backstage at practice, Chad herded Jared over to Jensen’s side so they could change together, casting Jared the most outrageous and over-the-top facial expressions as possible from across the room, and making vulgar hand gestures that Jared didn’t even know how to decipher. Jared responded with a gesture of his own, and Chad backed off.

 

Jared met Jensen’s eyes in the vanity mirror and Jensen smiled. Jensen’s smile made Jared smile, and soon enough, he was wordlessly, idiotically grinning at Jensen. He came to his senses a few beats later and coughed. “So, uh, you ready for tonight?” Jared asked, feigning casual. He looked away, playing with the tissues and makeup brushes on the vanity as a way to distract himself.

 

Jensen chuckled. “You mean, are you ready to woo each other in front of like thirty horny theater kids? As ready as I’ll ever be.”

 

Jared went red. “It’s not. Uh. All bad, though.”

 

Jensen’s smile warmed. “No,” he agreed, eyes lingering on Jared’s mouth. “It’s not all bad.”

 

Newton called something, and Jensen ran a hand through his hair, styling it, before brushing past Jared to head onstage. Jared was buzzing from head to toe, Jensen’s look in his head and Jensen’s fleeting touch heating up where Jensen had bumped against his side.

 

When they practiced their duet, they made huge strides, literally and metaphorically, from last time. There was a makeshift bed on stage, and tape markers to show where other furniture and windows and doors might be. They both knew the song and dialogue by heart, so the majority of practice was spent tweaking subtle movements and dancing with the beat.

 

Newton might be strict, but she was a good coach. Jared listened to her this time instead of acting like a kiss zombie, and the three of them worked together, turning it into something real. 

 

He and Jensen kissed lots.

 

It was easy and familiar now. It didn’t stop Jared’s stomach from going crazy, but it no longer freaked Jared out. In fact, they were so good at it, Newton let them finish early and called up some other actors to focus on their scenes. 

 

Jared sat at his usual spot in the back of the theater, feet propped up on the seat in front of him. He was chewing on fruity candies when Jensen walked up and plopped onto the seat next to him with a sigh. Jensen stretched out, feet kicked up, arms over his head, shirt hiking up to reveal a glimpse of his stomach.

 

Jared quickly looked away with the excuse of digging deeper into his bag of candy for his next piece. Jensen tapped him on the shoulder and he turned slightly, waiting.

 

“Can I have some?”

 

In response, Jared fished out a strawberry flavored one and tossed it to Jensen. Jensen caught it and popped it in his mouth. He eyed Jared, something appraising about his glance. “You got a sweet tooth?” he asked.

 

Jared ducked his head and smiled. “The biggest,” he confessed.

 

Jensen smiled. He leaned forward, stealing another candy. “Doesn’t surprise me,” he said.

 

Jared couldn’t stop smiling. Apparently, neither could Jensen.

 

Loud throat clearing broke the magnetic looks between them.

 

Jared turned and found Chad looking down at them, arms crossed over his chest. He cocked an eyebrow. “You lovebirds just about done?” he asked. “I gotta get this sweet little jaybird home.”

 

Jared looked down at his watch. Practice ended more than five minutes ago. He swore, standing up and fumbling for his things. Jensen didn’t say a word, only stooped to help Jared stuff a hoodie into his backpack. Feeling Chad’s eyes burning into the back of his head, Jared shot Jensen a thin smile and waved once before turning to leave.

 

A hand tugging at his shirt stopped him. Jared spun back around, and Jensen popped one last candy into his mouth, grinning. “See you at my place on Sunday?” he asked.

 

Jared’s heart threatened to choke him, but he managed to nod. “See you then.”

 

It was Chad that was pulling on his shirt then, more like an angry schoolteacher than Jensen’s cute schoolboy act, dragging Jared out of the auditorium and outside. 

 

“I can’t believe you two,” Chad said, letting go of Jared. Jared readjusted his shirt and his hair, jogging to catch up with Chad while Chad stormed down the street. “You have to make a move.”

 

That made Jared falter. “W-what?”

 

“All this dancing around--” Chad flailed his arms like confetti streamers exploding. “It’s idiotic!”

 

“We have to dance,” Jared said. “It’s part of the play.”

 

Chad punched Jared’s arm. “You know what I mean, you asshole,” he said. “Also, you have the perfect opportunity.” At Jared’s lost look, he rolled his eyes and continued. “You’re going to Jensen’s house!”

 

Previous fantasies about scars aside, the concept of going to Jensen’s house was daunting, giving Jared that coming-home-late-knowing-your-momma-will-be-pissed feeling in his stomach. “No, no, no,” Jared said, talking over Chad. “I’m meeting his parents.”

 

Chad shrugged. “So? You need to seduce him, Jay, before someone like Kallie or Sara T. does.”

 

The reminder of Kallie’s existence calmed the flame in Jared’s chest considerably. “He’s a method actor, C,” Jared sighed. “It’s probably Tom coming out and seeing Angel in me. He’s going to Kallie’s party, remember?”

 

Chad made a frustrated noise, pulling at his spiky hair. “At least get the truth out of him,” Chad said. “Ask him if he likes you.”

 

They were approaching Jared’s street. “I can’t,” he said. At Chad’s look, he added, “hey, I know. Just let me enjoy this while it lasts, okay? Maybe I’ll screw up some kisses so Newton makes us do more.”

 

“At least you’re learning,” Chad said with a sad smile. “Damn, I hate how _ Romeo and Juliet _ this is. At least R and J don’t break into song and dance.”

 

Jared snorted and waved goodbye to Chad. He tried not to let his anxiety bog him down, burying his face in Sadie’s fur the moment he stepped through the door of his home.

 

***

 

That Sunday, Jared was downstairs bright and early, backpack filled with tutoring supplies and snacks, his best shirt and jeans on. He leaned over the kitchen sink, scrubbing gunk from his sneakers with an old toothbrush. Momma came up behind him, squeezing his shoulder. “Whatcha up to, early bird?” She asked. She took the toothbrush from Jared. “You don’t need this.”

 

Jared didn’t respond. He turned off the sink, shaking off his shoes before dropping them to the floor. He wasn’t looking at Momma, but he could feel her judgement coming off her in waves. 

 

“You don’t ever need to change yourself for someone, sweetbird,” Momma sighed. “Either his family loves you for who you are or they don’t love you at all. All the pieces or none, huh?”

 

Jared looked up at Momma, something indefinable welling up in his throat. Her words echoed in his head, and he pictured himself and Jensen together, what Momma would say. She’d always fantasized about Jared’s grandkids, about the proper girl he’d take home. “Momma--” he cut himself off, choked up.

 

Momma misinterpreted him, shushing him and pulling him closely into a hug. She squeezed him, kissing the crown of his head. “Quiet, honey,” she murmured. “You’ll be okay. You’ve got us, you know that. Just ask for the phone and call me if anything goes wrong, okay?”

 

She pulled away, tipping Jared’s chin up and a wiping a tear from his cheek. “Promise me.”

 

Jared sniffled. “I promise,” he said.

 

Momma’s face lit up, and he couldn’t help but feel a little better at the sight of her quirked smile. She dabbed at his face with a towel. “Good as new,” she said. “Just have some more eggs and I’ll drive you.”

 

***

 

Jared stared at Jensen’s bright red front door, at the polished brass knocker.

 

Momma was waiting in the car in the curving driveway behind him; she wouldn’t leave until he was in the house safely.

 

Getting in the house safely required Jared to summon the courage to actually knock, however, which was the issue here.

 

Momma honked the horn, and Jared jumped, flushing red, hoping against hope that no one inside the veritable mansion heard that. Jared rolled his shoulders, bouncing on his heels, and reached forward, pushing past anxiety to firmly lift and drop the knocker.

 

He leaned back, body fizzing with nerves, heartbeat pushing him toward the flight side of fight or flight. A few beats passed, Jared wondering if he knocked loud enough, half considering turning around and getting back in the car, when the door creaked slowly open.

 

Jared was met with the sight of a ruffled Jensen, still in pajamas. And not ordinary pajamas--a full button up pajama shirt and drawstring pants decorated with Longhorns logos. 

 

“Jared,” Jensen said, half yawning. “Sorry I… lost track of time.”

 

Jared smiled wryly at the dried up drool on the side of Jensen’s mouth. “Sure, sure,” he said. “Can I come in?”

 

Jensen nodded, blinking slowly and stepping back to allow Jared inside. “Just wait here. I’ll go get ready.”

 

Jensen was ambling up the grand staircase before Jared could reply. Jared toed out of his shoes and took a moment to get his bearings.

 

And boy, were they fucking bearings.

 

The inside of the Red House was just as he’d pictured. Solid pine bannisters and thick bookshelves, shiny hardwood floors, furniture with fleur-de-lises and intricate carvings on the feet. Burgundy wallpaper in the living room, a study across the hall. Deep, long hallways and the persistent silence of a house well built.

 

He stared up at the chandelier two stories above him. The sound of slippers on wood distracted him, and he looked down to see a woman who looked like Jensen but older approaching him.

 

She was in a robe and slippers, her curly blond hair falling in messy ringlets to her shoulders. She wore no makeup, no jewelry. She yawned loudly, waving to Jared.

 

“Jared!” she said. She hurried over to him, embracing him with enough gusto to knock the breath out of him. “Jensen never stops talking about you.”

 

“Oh… um.” Jared ducked his head when Mrs. Ackles pulled back to peer at him. “That’s real nice of him.”

 

“Such a polite boy,” she beamed. “I appreciate that. Now. Want some waffles?”

 

***

 

While Jensen’s house may have met Jared’s expectations, Jensen’s family was not at all what he expected.

 

Mr. Ackles wasn’t home. He was apparently out playing a Union general in a Civil War reenactment. Mrs. Ackles was just as nice as Jensen, if a little more vulgar with her jokes. Jensen’s younger sister, Mac, was shy, and Jared saw something of himself in her, making sure to make her feel comfortable around him, telling jokes that made his sister laugh just to see her smile. Jensen’s older brother, Josh, was still living at home, finishing up a graduate degree. He was curt with a startlingly dark and sarcastic sense of humor, but once Jared got used to it, it had his sides in stitches.

 

He loved them all.

 

Breakfast was an hour and a half production filled with messiness, jokes, and insults. Jensen--who now wore a t-shirt and jeans instead of PJs--kept looking at Jared apologetically, as if his family were doing something wrong, and Jared kept responding with big smiles to assure Jensen it was alright. It was more than alright.

 

Study time was in Jensen’s room.

 

The walk up had Jared’s palms sweaty. The upstairs hallway was lined with beautiful family portraits, a Persian rug rolled down the hall. They approached a solid wood door on the left side of the hall. It had no decorations, though the door next to it was covered in drawings of Neopets.

 

“This is our stop,” Jensen said, grimace-smiling. “Please excuse the mess.”

 

With that, Jensen opened the door and walked inside, Jared trailing after.

 

Jensen’s room had two dormers at the far end, stuffed with pillows and stuffed animals and looking out over the front drive. The wall with the door had a walk in closet, and the last two walls were covered end to end in bookshelves, which in turn were covered in comics and action figures. Somehow, Jensen’s bed and desk fit into the cramped space, and every square inch of carpet was covered with dirty clothes and empty chip bags.

 

Jared stepped into the space as if he was walking on the moon. He craned his neck, taking in the figures, the posters, the special edition hardcover anthologies.

 

Jensen was sitting under one of the dormers, gnawing on his nails, looking at Jared.

 

“You didn’t tell me you liked comics,” Jared said.

 

Jensen shrugged, knee jiggling. “It’s stupid,” he said.

 

Jared couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “It’s not stupid,” he said. “Ignoring the fact you’re a DC fan, this is amazing. All of this--it’s so cool. How long have you been collecting?”

 

“Since I was seven,” Jensen said, finally taking his hand from his lips. “My dad got me a Batman comic every week, and then we started going to the comic book store all the time, and I’d spend my whole allowance on the weeklies, and it just. Built up.”

 

“Wow,” Jared breathed, tip toeing past dirty boxers to peer at one of the bookshelves. There were tabs between sections of comics, separating them by superhero and edition. Jared ran his thumb over the protective plastics holding the comics. “This is amazing.”

 

Jensen stood up, coming closer. “That action figure was a write-in special edition from 1988,” Jensen said, pointing to a carefully encased posing figure of Dick Grayson. “Number 7567.”

 

Jared squinted at the careful painting of the figure’s outfit. “Your room’s like a museum.”

 

“You don’t…” Jensen trailed off. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

 

Jared turned away from the shelf, shaking his head at Jensen with a smile. “Not weird,” Jared assured him. “Really, really, cool.”

 

Jensen finally smiled, and it grew and grew until it reached his eyes, lighting up his face. “You wanna see something really, really, really cool?”

 

Jensen took Jared over to another bookshelf across the room, where six mini figurines stood in a line in little display boxes. Jensen explained them all, their rarity, their history, their value. He went on for almost half an hour, citing experts and writers and illustrators and all sorts of niche facts that Jared couldn’t keep track of. Jared nodded along anyway, peering at everything Jensen presented to him with genuine fascination and wonder.

 

In the middle of a ramble about Superman, Jensen checked his watch. “Oh, shit!” He vaulted over his bed to his desk. “We’re running out of time. Teach me some stuff. Inspire me with your wisdom.”

 

Jared snorted, following Jensen’s trail, albeit more slowly. “If only it were that simple,” he said. 

 

Jensen stacked a pile of pillows next to his desk chair for Jared to perch on. Jared slung off his backpack, digging out a bunch of papers and dumping them onto the existing mess on the desk. “I brought sample essays,” he said. “I thought we’d have you write an essay and compare them.”

 

“Oh, fun,” Jensen said. “A self esteem exercise.”

 

Jared rolled his eyes. He made Jensen focus, however much he wanted to continue listening to Jensen’s nerd talk or joke around with him. He made up a prompt for Jensen to write to, reading one of Jensen’s comics while Jensen wrote it. When he was done, Jared critiqued the paper, highlighting strategies in some of the example essays he brought and explaining them.

 

Jensen thunked his head down onto the table, obscuring a proper citation that Jared was pointing out. “I’m never gonna get this,” he groaned. “I don’t know how you do it.”

 

“Hey.” Jared was offended on Jensen’s behalf. “It doesn’t all happen at once. It’s, uh, like a football game, right? Lots of planning, practice. I couldn’t just walk onto the field and throw a touchdown.”

 

Jensen laughed. “You don’t--whatever. Fuck football.”

 

“No,” Jared said, adopting his mother’s stern voice, “not fuck football. You’re going to college for it, remember? All this pain will be worth the scholarship.”

 

“I don’t want to,” Jensen said quietly.

 

“You don’t want to what?”

 

“I don’t want to do football in college,” Jensen sighed, lifting his head from the desk. There was an ink smudge above his left eyebrow. 

 

Jared blinked. “But you’re--”

 

“I love theater,” Jensen said. “But my parents are--they’ve been working hard on my future since I was a baby. I can’t just throw it away.”

 

Jared was having trouble processing the whirlwind of information and emotions Jensen blew his way. “But. What about your friends?”

 

Jensen scrubbed a hand down his face. “They make me feel alone,” Jensen croaked. He was at the point of tears. Jared’s heart ached in empathy--Jared identified with Jensen in a way he was terrified to share--and he reached out and squeezed Jensen’s shoulder.

 

“Hey, c’mon,” he soothed. “How long have you been beating yourself up over this?”

 

“Since we started doing _ Rent _ ,” Jensen said. “Since I found you, and you didn’t make me feel alone.”

 

Jared’s heart stuttered, his eyes going huge, and he had no time to react before Jensen was tipping forward and embracing Jared in a rib-crushing hug.

 

Jared hugged back, letting Jensen bury his face in his neck. “I--me too,” Jared said. “You’re one of my best friends. I’m so glad you joined Aspen Players.”

 

Jensen pulled back, staring at Jared with red-rimmed eyes. “Really?” he rasped.

 

Jared smiled, nodding. “Of course,” he said. 

 

Jensen smiled back. “I thought you hated me,” he said. “You were just too nice to say so.”

 

“I don’t hate you,” Jared said sincerely. “I just want you to be happy. No matter what that means. Going off and being a football star, or dropping football, or dropping theater, or going to theater school…” Jared trailed off. “Do what makes you happy.”

 

“It’s not that easy,” Jensen whispered.

 

“Trust me, I know,” Jared said. “I know what it’s like to hide yourself. To work so hard to fit people’s expectations. It can kill you, Jen.”

 

Jensen was looking at him with a new look in his eyes. “What do you mean?” he asked.

 

Shit. Jared had revealed too much. Way, way too much. He swallowed, trying to come up with an explanation, some subject change he could make to steer the conversation away--

 

Jensen leaned in and kissed him softly on the mouth. Quick, chaste, closed-lipped.

 

But a kiss.

 

A real, actual kiss.

 

Between Jared and Jensen, not Tom and Angel. 

 

Jensen pulled away, meeting Jared’s eyes. Their faces mirrored each other’s shock. Jensen touched his lips, fingers trembling like they were moving of their own volition. “I--didn’t mean to--” Jensen swallowed. “You should go.” Jensen got up and practically sprinted over to the door, holding it open for Jared.

 

Jared hopped up, tripping over to Jensen. “Jensen, wait, come on--”

 

“I’m sorry,” Jensen interrupted. “I’m being stupid, I’m just being stupid.”

 

Jensen kept his eyes on the floor, and he looked so horrified and ashamed that Jared didn’t protest. With a queasy stomach, he silently slipped past Jensen, hurrying down the stairs and fumbling with his shoes.

 

Fuck. Fuck. Everything was ruined. Everything was messed up now. Jensen was just confused. Jensen was going through a lot. And now Jensen could barely stand to look at him.

 

Jared stood up, barely able to see through the blurry tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes of their own volition. Mrs. Ackles came up behind him. “Would you like a ride home, sweetie?” she asked.

 

Jared sniffed, wiping at his nose and shaking his head. He ran outside before she could get another word in, fleeing down the street and into the sunset.

 

He showed up on Sandy’s porch, and Sandy’s dad let him inside without a word. He ran upstairs and knocked on Sandy’s door. She opened it, face immediately pulling into a picture of concern. She drew him into her arms and led him over to her bed, pushing his hair away from his face.

 

Jared curled up on her bed and let emotions come out--fear, frustration, shame, anger, love, hopeless. Before he knew it, Chad was on the bed too, shaking him by the shoulder and saying something in a teasing tone of voice. Jared wasn’t in the mood for it. 

 

He didn’t know how long he spent there, just feeling achey, barely registering Sandy and Chad’s touches and voices. He woke up from an awful nap feeling like he’d slept for a thousand years, limbs made of rust and stone. Chad and Sandy were nowhere to be seen. 

 

He got up and lumbered to the bathroom, still only half functioning. He splashed water on his face, feeling a little bit more alive. He went down to the kitchen, where Sandy’s dad wordlessly handed him a glass of water. Jared thanked him and headed over to the converted garage.

 

Sandy and Chad were curled up on the corduroy couch, watching old horror movies on the boxy ‘50s wood paneled T.V. tucked into the corner of the room. Sandy’s house was a far cry from Jensen’s, but Jared wouldn’t trade it for the world.

 

They watched  _ Chompers II: Attack of the Robo-Zombies _ for an hour before Momma called, asking if Jared was there. She sounded calm on the phone, but Jared knew she would have a lot to say to him when he went home.

 

He put his jacket and backpack on by the door with Sandy and Chad waiting. “Hang out again tomorrow?” Sandy asked. 

 

Jared nodded.

 

“Tell us what happened when you can,” she added. “We’re worried about you, Jaybird.”

 

Jared managed a tiny smile. He hugged them both before going home.

 

When Momma swung open the door, her face was the picture of anger, a few syllables into a comment about children and respecting mothers before she saw the look on his face.

 

She brought him into the kitchen and made him a soup. Jared got most of it down with Momma sitting across from him reading a book before he had the courage to speak. He swallowed.

 

“I’m sorry, Momma,” he said.

 

Momma put down her book. “What happened, sweetheart?”

 

Jared shuddered. “I can’t tell you.”

 

Momma was quiet for a while. “Why not?” she eventually said.

 

Jared looked up at her, at her compassionate eyes. He knew she loved him, and would no matter what, but. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he said, and great, the tears were coming back.

 

Momma was up in a second. “Oh, baby,” she cooed. She pulled Jared out of his chair and into a hug, and Jared melted into it. “You know you can tell me anything,” she whispered into his hair, rubbing his back. “You know that, don’t you?”

 

Jared nodded, holding onto her tightly. She let him, rocking him gently while he gathered himself together.

 

He pulled back, wiping his eyes. He looked up at her, brows furrowed, knowing that tomorrow he’d wake up in a new world. “Momma,” he said, “I’m gay.”

 

***

 

Jensen didn’t come by for a second study day. Jared wasn’t surprised. He was familiar with the tight hurt in his chest now, and could ignore it for little chunks of time.

 

Chad and Sandy came over. They played with Sadie and Harley while Jared and Momma cleaned up the kitchen.

 

Momma had cried last night. Jared couldn’t tell if she was grieving a future she’d envisioned for Jared or if she was just overwhelmed. They hadn’t talked much, only hugged more.

 

Now, Jared felt awkward and wrong and too big for his body.

 

Momma hadn’t talked to him yet. She was trying to act normal for Sandy and Chad, but everyone could tell it wasn’t working. She knew that Jared had told Sandy and Chad long before her, now, and Jared suspected she was hurt.

 

He didn’t want to be, but he was angry with her. He put himself out there, he came out to her, and she was hurt? She was the one in pain?

 

Jared was too tired for more confrontation. He cleaned up in silence, letting out a sigh when he finished his chores. He was halfway down the hall before Momma called him back.

 

Momma was frowning worriedly at him, drying a dish with a towel. “Jare…” she searched for the right words. “Does any of this have to do with Jensen?”

 

Leave it to Momma to be so perceptive. Jared didn’t have the energy to build up walls. He just nodded. Momma put down the dish and ruffled his hair. “It’ll work out,” she said, and Jared wished he could share her conviction.

 

He turned to leave again when she said his name. “Jared…” she trailed off, fingers fidgeting at her sides. “I don’t ever want you to think you have to be a certain way for me. If I knew I was being a hypocrite…” she laughed nervously. “I’m working through it, baby, but I love you so much, and I just want you to be happy.”

 

Jared was near tears more than he wasn’t. His heart had been put through the wringer lately. “Thanks, Momma,” he said. 

 

She let him leave that time, and Sandy and Chad got up when he entered the living room.

 

They went out for ice cream, Jared’s favorite, courtesy of Sandy’s lawn mowing money. They got cones and walked to the park, huddling in their hoodies on an usually cold and cloudy Texas fall Sunday. While they walked, Jared told them the whole story, from Jared’s confusing feelings to Jensen’s house to their soul-searching conversation and brief kiss.

 

They sat in silence on a park bench with dripping cones. 

 

“Damn,” Chad said. “Damn.”

 

“Right?” Sandy said. “Fuck that guy.”

 

Jared couldn’t help the defensive spark that he felt at her comment. “It’s not his fault,” Jared sighed. “I. It. It just sucks.”

 

“Are you gonna be alright in practice?” Sandy asked. “Newton would understand if you let someone sub in.”

 

“No, I’ll go,” Jared said. “The play is more important.”

 

Chad snorted. “Jay, you are a romantic and a thespian and you’re breaking my heart.”

 

Jared cracked a smile at that, and he felt a bit lighter when Chad and Sandy surprised him with a day at the crappy little arcade on the outskirts of town. He was able to forget his burdens, if just for a little while. 

 

When he went home, alone this time, Momma had baked him oatmeal cookies and Megan hugged him, saying she’d always known Jared was a huge, flaming dork.

 

Dinner that felt night felt a little normal, and Jared felt a little more ready to face Monday.

 

***

 

Jared was not ready to face Monday.

 

Jared got a call from Jeff that morning. Jeff was supportive, inviting Jared to talk to some of his gay coworkers if he needed to. When he went downstairs, he could tell by Momma’s awkward hovering that she’d organized it all, and while Jared appreciated the attempt, he wasn’t in the mood.

 

He considered feigning illness to get out of school, but he knew Momma would see right through him. Or worse, she’d play along.

 

He felt headachey and slow as he got ready for the day, the radio playing quietly in the corner of his room. It was another cold day, so he tugged on a threadbare sweatshirt, hoping the walk to school would pass quickly.

 

Chad didn’t ask any questions, didn’t say any empty platitudes when Jared came out to meet him. He only handed Jared a thermos full of hot cocoa while they walked, which Jared gratefully accepted. 

 

In English class, Jensen didn’t show up until after the final bell. Kallie was outside the door, thanking Jensen quite profusely for coming to her party. 

 

Profusely was one word for it.

 

Jensen didn’t acknowledge Jared then, nor did he during lunch. Jensen was sitting with the Cheer Fear Squad again, avoiding eye contact with Jared’s little lonely loser corner of the cafeteria. 

 

Play practice was their first full run through.

 

The play was in two weeks.

 

They had the entire set up on stage. The theater kids who painted sets and worked behind the scenes were all present, looking like adolescent vampires flitting around stage. The speakers were finally working again, and Newton got her new upright piano.

 

At least in terms of _ Rent, _ things were looking up.

 

Jensen didn’t show up until halfway through practice, sweaty in his football uniform, shoulder pads included. Jared tried to ignore him as he lumbered backstage, shoes and helmet kicked off as he went to change.

 

Jared dove headfirst into the rehearsal. Angel was a pretty prominent character, and had a lot of scenes without Jensen. When it came to Angel and Tom’s scenes, Jared and Jensen both delivered, and for a brief moment, Jared could pretend things were normal, that Saturday had never happened. 

 

When their big scene came around, Jared was certain Jensen wouldn’t be able to meet his eyes. He was certain Jensen would avoid the kiss (and following cheesy making love scene, which was always a blur in Jared’s mind), or fake it, or run offstage, apologizing to Newton.

 

Instead, Jensen was just as outstanding as ever.

 

It was worse.

 

It was much worse.

 

While they were singing to each other, Jensen locked eyes with Jared, touched him gently, and kissed him without enough ardor to take Jared’s breath away. But the moment the scene was over, Jensen was gone, retreating to his corner of the stage, lost in his own little world, blocking Jared out completely.

 

By the end of the school day, Jared was exhausted. He’d been exhausted constantly for days now, but he felt especially gross, like if he was conscious for five more minutes he’d break up into bits and dissolve with the slightest breeze.

 

Sandy lived in the opposite direction from Chad and Jared, but she was waiting in the wings all the same, ready to walk home with Jared. Chad had a new snack for Jared--a muffin. Jared took a few small bites while they gathered up their things.

 

“Jared,” Jensen called out.

 

Jared swallowed slowly and turned to look at Jensen. Jensen looked relaxed, loose-shouldered. 

 

“Do you mind if we talk?” Jensen asked. “Alone?”

 

Jared opened his mouth to respond, but Sandy spoke up over him. “Whatever you have to say, you can say it in front of us,” she snapped, arms crossed over her chest. 

 

“Yeah,” Chad echoed. “So what’s up, Jenny?”

 

Jensen looked at them each in turn, a little thrown. “Okay, whatever,” he said, an edge to his voice. He shoved his hands in his pockets. “Look, I just wanted to apologize for this weekend. I was out of sorts. Rehearsal has me messed up. It was nothing.”

 

“Sure,” Jared said with an empty smile. “It was nothing.”

 

Sandy grabbed Jared by the hand. “Come on, Jay,” she said, tugging Jared away.

 

Outside, Jared wrapped his arms around his torso, hunched over to avoid the wind.

 

“What a prick,” Chad said. “You deserve better, Jay.”

 

Jared sniffed. “I wish I didn’t like him so much,” he said with a teary laugh. “I don’t know why I like him so much.”

 

“Honey,” Sandy said. “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

 

***

 

Weeks passed like that.

 

Jared healed, if just a little bit.

 

Momma was less awkward, and she vented a few times, scared to death for Jared, not wanting him to get hurt. They fought a little, but she was trying, really trying to understand, and Jared couldn’t stay mad.

 

Jared did well in his classes. By Jensen’s frustrated attitude, he could tell Jensen wasn’t in the same boat. As much as Jared wanted to help, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he’d be rebuffed if he tried to restart tutoring sessions with Jensen. Plus, every time he saw Jensen hanging around with Kallie and her friends, a vindictive part of him wanted to let Jensen flounder.

 

Chad and Sandy were as sweet as ever, routinely promising to murder Jensen for Jared and hide the body. 

 

Play practice continued. They were ever closer to a final project, to opening night. 

 

Jared was sitting on the couch with Harley holding him in place when the phone rang. 

 

Momma handed it to him. “It’s for you,” she said. Before Jared could ask who it was, she was gone.

 

Jared cradled the phone between his shoulder and his ear, his hands busy with ruffling Harley’s fur. “Hello?”

 

“Jared, honey?” Mrs. Ackles’ voice was unmistakeable. 

 

“Mrs. Ackles?”

 

“Hi, sweetie!” Mrs. Ackles greeted, cheery as if nothing had elapsed between Jared meeting her and now. “Would you like to come over again this Saturday?”

 

Jared blinked. He leaned into the cushions, letting out a sigh. “I’m not sure that’s a great idea.”

 

“Nonsense,” she said, completely unperturbed by Jared’s hesitancy. “Jensen hasn’t been doing so well in English, and we really need him to pass. He’s getting closer. If he does well on this essay and the final, he’ll be golden. He says you’re a great teacher.”

 

Jared fidgeted, Harley looking up at him in concern. Jared didn’t know how to say no to her. He didn’t want to tell her what happened between them, and he didn’t want to lie.

 

Kicking himself all the while, Jared agreed to come back and help Jensen some more.

 

***

 

Jared’s life was full up with Jensen. Mrs. Ackles started paying Jared for the sessions, and Jared came over after play practice. They split their time between tutoring and rehearsal, the English final and premiere of the play crawling ever closer.

 

It was awkward.

 

It never got better. Jared’s feelings never went away. Jensen never acted normal, even when Jared held out an olive branch, asking Jensen about a new comic he got. If anything, it made things worse, Jensen colder than ever.

 

Jared adjusted to it.

 

He was building up a thick skin. It was probably a good thing, even though Momma would mourn the loss of his sweet and bubbly disposition. The rest of his life would be filled with more Jensens. He might as well develop a tolerance now.

 

The weirdest part was how much Jared loved Jensen’s family.

 

He joined them for dinner when they studied during the week, and breakfast when they studied over the weekend. He got to know Josh and Mac, and Mr. and Mrs. Ackles. He was a family favorite to all of them except Jensen.

 

Even Jensen seemed to be coming around, though, just in little ways. Tiny ways.

 

He smiled at Jared’s dumb jokes with Josh. He worked hard on the essays Jared coached him through. He made little jokes when he messed up when they rehearsed. And he kept kissing Angel.

 

“Look,” Jensen said, shutting  _ Romeo and Juliet _ and pushing it aside. “Truce?”

 

Jared’s hand froze where it was circling a place where Jensen could’ve added a transition. “What?”

 

“Truce,” Jensen repeated. “I’m sorry about being weird before. And I’m sorry about freezing you out. It was a dick move. Can we move on? Truce?”

 

Jared thought on it for a few beats, Jensen watching him and chewing on a pencil.

 

Jared knocked through the walls he’d put up.

 

“No,” he said.

 

Jensen looked just as thrown as Jared felt. “No?”

 

“No,” Jared said. “Look. You opened up to me. I don’t want to pretend that didn’t happen.”

 

Jensen’s hopeful smile dropped off his face. “It was a mistake,” he said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

 

Jared was shaking his head before Jensen had finished speaking. “No it wasn’t,” he said. You don’t want to do football. You want to do theater. And you don’t like your friends. You feel scared. But it’s okay. It’s okay to be scared. And you don’t have to do everything your parents tell you to. And based on what I know about them, they’d accept you no matter what.”

 

“You don’t know them,” Jensen snapped. “You don’t know me. You don’t know my family.”

 

Jared let it all bounce off of him. “Yes I do,” he said. “And I opened up, too. I told you that I know what it’s like to feel alone. Misunderstood. You know what I meant.”

 

Jensen didn’t say anything then, but Jared could tell he was getting through to him, cracks showing in Jensen’s exterior. 

 

“You kissed me,” Jared softly. “You were happy. And so was I.”

 

“Jared,” Jensen choked out, eyes glassy. He sounded like a robot when he spoke. “You’ve got the wrong idea. Let it be.”

 

“No,” Jared said, something inside him pushing him onward, bulldozing past fear and anxiety and hesitation. He grabbed Jensen by the wrist. “Jensen. You’re hurting yourself. Stop.”

 

Jensen’s arm jerked like he was going to yank his wrist out of Jared’s grasp, but he didn’t. He just stared at Jared, something broken and pleading in his gaze, raw and open in a way that took Jared’s breath away. 

 

Jensen leaned in for a kiss, but Jared stopped him with a hand on his chest. Jensen looked down at Jared’s hand like he couldn’t comprehend what he was seeing.

 

“Not like this,” Jared murmured. “Not in secret. Not guilty. I want the real Jensen, okay? I--I’ve never felt like this before. You need to be open, Jen. With yourself, with everyone else.”

 

“How do you do it?” Jensen whispered.

 

Jared smiled at Jensen, smoothing down Jensen’s ruffled hair. “It’s hard,” Jared said. “It hurts. It twists up your insides. But it’s so worth it.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Jay,” Jensen croaked. “I didn’t realize. If I’d known, I wouldn’t--”

 

“I know,” Jared said. “It’s okay, Jensen.”

 

Jensen took a deep and shuddering breath. “What do I do now?” he asked. “What do we do now?”

 

Jared squeezed Jensen’s hand. “We live.”

 

***

 

Jared left Jensen’s place that night feeling hopeful and light, like he’d woken up to a flower blossoming after a long and cold winter. 

 

It was a start.

 

He wasn’t going to fool himself. Jensen wasn’t going to come out immediately. He wasn’t going to start wearing crop tops and rainbow colored sweatpants. It was a long and harrowing process, especially with the expectations put on Jensen by his parents. 

 

Still. Jensen wasn’t hiding from Jared anymore. 

 

Jensen loved Jared. 

 

Jared loved Jensen.

 

It felt like a beginning. It felt like something real. It felt like something he could hold onto, something he could trust. 

 

Something he could live for.

 

***

 

On Monday, Jensen sat with Sandy, Chad and Jared again.

 

Sandy and Chad were still frosty, but they trusted Jared, and Jared wanted Jensen there.

 

Jensen did his part, trying to earn back Sandy and Chad’s respect, apologizing to them.

 

In English, Jensen got his essay back with a note from Mr. Ellis at the top that read “great growth!” and a B+. In rehearsal, Newton started crying, hugging everyone, praising them, saying how far they’d come, and how excited she was for opening night.

 

Now that they were in the final stages of preparation for opening night, Jensen only showed up about half the time, spending the rest of his evenings practicing for the homecoming football game, which was a few days after the play. They still had weekend tutor sessions, and Jensen was sweet and friendly. Just friendly.

 

As much as Jared wanted to cling to the last days of fall, winter inevitably came.

 

A few days before opening night, a rare Texas snowfall hit Dallas. It was only an inch or so, melting off cars and turning to slush with afternoon sun, but school was still canceled, and Jared spent the morning pelting Jensen, Sandy, and Chad with drippy little snowballs. Their laughter puffed out before them like a dragon’s breath, echoing down the suburban streets.

 

The school day before opening night was almost atrociously normal.

 

Jared and all the others went to class in costume, which had the school abuzz. Those who hadn’t seen the four million bajillion fliers around the school probably thought they were all homeless. 

 

Jared and Jensen took their English final. They both left with high spirits. “My grade before this was a C-,” Jensen babbled excitedly. “If I even get an 80% on this, it’ll go up to a C+. And I know I did better than that.”

 

“That’s awesome!” Jared exclaimed. He was genuinely proud of Jensen, but a small piece of him was jealous. He’d promised to support Jensen no matter what, but all Jensen’s happiness reminded him of was that it was all for football. All so he could graduate on time and go to a big fancy state school where he wouldn’t be following his dreams.

 

At lunch, the theater kids all sat together, and Jared and Jensen squeezed onto a stool together, pressed up hip to hip. One of the nicer stage artists handed out homemade cupcakes, which were more delicious than they were pretty.

 

Before long, faster than Jared would have liked, it was time.

 

Everyone was backstage nervously chattering. The audience hadn’t filled up yet, so Newton kept spirits up by blasting ‘80s power ballads over the speakers. Costumes were set up, stage pieces in position, and everyone was singing different songs and performing different lines in a last minute rehearsal. 

 

Newton turned down the music and everybody quieted. Sandy went into the wings, peering past the curtains. She squealed, running back to where everyone was waiting. “It’s filling up,” she said. “We’re gonna have a full house!”

 

There were some cheers and some nervous noises. Rehearsal resumed, the ever-present stage designers running around and up onto the catwalk in their all black outfits. 

 

Jared sat in one of the chairs backstage, leg jiggling while Newton burst onto stage, and the audience exploded into applause. A lot of applause. 

 

A lot of people.

 

Chad stood behind him, absentmindedly massaging Jared’s shoulders, and Sandy was off somewhere filling up water bottles so everyone could have something to drink. 

 

Jensen wandered over, his first costume--a pair of long, ratty boot-cut jeans and a striped button down--dragging along the floor. He dragged over a chair and plopped into it with a sigh.

 

He kneed Jared’s nervous leg. “Hey,” he said. “How you feelin’?”

 

Jared shrugged, his leg resuming its activities the moment Jensen pulled away. “I’m okay,” he said. “You?”

 

“Same.” Jensen was quiet for a beat. “You know you’re gonna be fantastic, right?”

 

Jared’s cheeks burned, and he looked down at his lap. “I’m glad you think so.”

 

Jensen gave Jared’s cheek a light peck, making Jared’s skin ever pinker. “I know so,” he said, and Jared drew strength from the confidence in Jensen’s voice.

 

More applause, the piano striking up--the first scene. The opening scene set the mood of the play, introducing the characters, and one of the most iconic songs, “Rent.” Jared wasn’t in it, and Jensen was in some of it. Jared listened to Jensen sing from backstage, and couldn’t help but smile at the cheers and claps of the audience once the number ended.

 

It was a blur after that. Jared was on. He had no time to be nervous, sprinting onstage for his first line and being dragged offstage right at the end of a musical number. He wept, he huddled in a painted alleyway, he sang, he flirted. He was sweating through Angel’s dress, but it didn’t matter. He noticed in his periphery during one scene that all of Jensen’s friends were in the audience.

 

During intermission, he switched costumes to the more revealing one, and the break flew by like nobody’s business.

 

Then, it was only him and Jensen, no one else.

 

They circled each other. Being onstage with the set complete, set workers shifting things in time to the song, spotlights following his every move, was electric. The audience was quiet, but Jared knew without looking that it was because they were rapt, not bored. 

 

Jared sang with his whole heart and Jensen met him line for line. It was impossibly more intense than rehearsal, even that first time that had Jared’s head swimming.

 

He felt Jensen crowd up behind him, felt Jensen’s thumb circle his hipbone. He leaned back into Jensen’s warmth, spinning into Jensen’s embrace. 

 

They performed their “intimate” scene, Jensen only in his boxers, Jared in his robe, the audience murmuring. Afterward was the big finale kiss. 

 

Jensen came into Jared’s orbit. “Jared, baby,” he whispered, “I love you.”

 

He kissed Jared.

 

Tom didn’t kiss Angel, even if the cheers of the audience implied it.

 

Jensen was talking to him. Jensen was kissing him.

 

Jared kissed back. He wrapped his arms around Jensen’s torso, pressing their bodies together, kissing open-mouthed and sloppily with all of his might. They pulled away too soon, much too soon, disappearing offstage through opposite wings, and the audience absolutely lost it, cheering and clapping loud enough to make Jared’s ears ring.

 

Backstage, he and Jensen were fan favorites. Sandy came up to them with tears streaming down her face and hugged them both. Chad, too, which surprised Jared but made him all warm inside. 

 

They only had a few minutes to relax before they had to go on again. Jared couldn’t believe how fast the play was running. They’d been practicing for months, and it seemed to fly by in seconds. He was out onstage barely any time later, joining the full cast for the final song. By the end of it, the audience was either misty-eyed or crying, and there was a brief pause before people began standing up in their seats and clapping.

 

Then it was over.

 

Parents came backstage to hug their children. Flowers were handed out. Conversations were had. Newton flitted from person to person, congratulating and complimenting, the picture of sweetness. So different from the beginning of the semester.

 

Momma hugged Jared tightest of all. She brushed his hair behind his ear. “I am so, so proud of you, and everything you do,” she said, her throat full, “and I know you have a bright future ahead of you. I love you, Jay baby.”

 

“I love you too, Momma,” Jared managed, and Momma hugged him again, giving him a little privacy to cry his happy tears.

 

He was surprised by the next people who greeted him.

 

Alan and Donna Ackles handed him a bouquet of red roses, beaming down at him. “You were amazing, Jared,” Donna said. “You and Jensen make quite the pair.”

 

They left before Jared really processed that. He couldn’t tell what they meant by “pair,” but Chad’s suggestive eyebrows from across the room meant at least one person had an idea.

 

Jared was in the parking lot with Momma and Chad, who was getting a ride home from them, when Jensen jogged over.

 

“Jared,” Jensen panted. “Before you get upset, I--Kallie asked me to prom and I said yes.”

 

That wasn’t what Jared thought he would hear. He blinked, smile etched too permanently onto his face to disappear. “I-”

 

“I want you to go,” Jensen continued. “Will you trust me? Will you go to the game and then to the dance?”

 

“I was gonna go with Chad and Sandy,” Jared said.

 

Jensen beamed. “That’s perfect,” he said. “You’ll see. Just. Hang in there, okay?”

 

Jared smiled. “Okay.”

 

Jensen nodded. “Oh, hey--see you this weekend?”

 

Jared blinked. “We don’t really have to study for English until after break,” he said.

 

“My parents will miss you if you don’t come over,” Jensen said. “Come if just for the waffles.”

 

“I’ll come for the waffles,” Jared said. Momma tapped his shoulder. “Gotta go.”

 

“Bye, Jay,” Jensen said with a soft smile.

 

Jared waved goodbye and hopped into the car. He watched Jensen out the back window until they turned out of sight.

 

***

 

The homecoming game took all of the school’s attention after that. The end of the semester was packed with things--finals, Thanksgiving break, the game, the dance, and then, sweetest of all, winter break. Teachers didn’t try to wrangle students. Everyone was feeling the holiday season, finishing up their last work before they could relax for a few weeks. 

 

The school was decked out in an obnoxious amount of school pride. Blue and white streamers decorated the halls, and the morning announcements started and ended with the school’s famous cheer. The mascot, a particularly aggressive mountain lion, breakdanced in the middle of lunch. Cheerleaders and football players wore their uniforms every day, receiving cheers and catcalls in the halls.

 

Jared, Chad, and Sandy made sure to hit the field early to have good seats. 

 

It was snowing, just a fine amount; everything melted before it hit the grass. Still, the holiday season was in full swing, and students were happy for the rare occasion to wear their wool coats and fur-lined boots. A vendor sold hot cocoa and churros, and Chad bought some for the three of them.

 

Jared tugged his wooly beany down over his unruly hair, blowing on his steaming hot cocoa. He held it in both mittened hands for warmth. Chad and Sandy were pressed up on either side of him.

 

He was cozy. He could have stayed there all night.

 

He didn’t have to, though, because soon enough, the pre-game celebrations were underway, the marching band chair stepping onto the field and playing an R.E.M. song. 

 

The stadium lights made everything bright, standing out in stark contrast to the black winter night. When the football teams squared up in the middle of the field, their helmets glinted sharply, their outfits bright and colorful. 

 

Jared didn’t really understand football, nor did he pretend to. When the game was underway, he cheered when everyone else did, and did so with particular zeal whenever he recognized Jensen in his bulky uniform. 

 

Jensen was a fast runner and a good catch. He was the star of the game that night, scoring a few points and receiving the most cheers. They didn’t win the game, but Jared heard through murmurs and gossip that it didn’t really matter--the college scouts that had attended the game were impressed nonetheless, particularly with #21, Ackles. 

 

Jared wasn’t sure how he felt about that.

 

After the game, Jensen jogged over to the bleachers. “Jared!” he called up. “Jared!”

 

Jared blinked down at Jensen; people in the bleachers were looking at him. Chad and Sandy elbowed him in sync, forcing him to stand. People made way as he jogged down the bleachers and over to Jensen.

 

“What are you doing?” Jared hissed. “People are watching.”

 

Jensen beamed through his helmet. “Exactly,” he said. “Felix!”

 

The mountain lion mascot jogged over. 

 

Jensen nodded. “Hit it.”

 

The mascot waved to the marching band, and the marching band struck up a song with a catchy beat. Jensen pulled Jared out onto the field and into the bright lights. Other players were bringing people onto the field, except they were all bringing out cheerleaders. Jared stuck out like a sore thumb.

 

Jensen read Jared’s anxiety, drawing him closer into a tight hug. “Follow my lead,” he whispered into Jared’s ear.

 

Jensen dance-walked them to the middle of the field. The song changed to a waltz, and Jensen danced with Jared in slow circles. Jared’s whole body was tingling and he couldn’t help a manic smile. “What are you doing?”

 

“Showing everyone who matters to me,” Jensen said, right before he threw his helmet off and kissed Jared.

 

Before Jared could react, the audience was cheering. He kissed Jensen back in a daze, pulling back to ogle Jensen’s saliva-covered lips. “Wha--”

 

Jensen turned Jared around. “Look,” he said. “Everyone loves us.”

 

The other players and cheerleaders were clapping. Someone in the audience screamed. “Angel! Angel!”

 

Jared blinked, the world around him happening in slow motion, his brain struggling to keep up with the train of events. “You--”

 

“You told me not to hide myself,” Jensen said. “So I’m not hiding.”

 

Jared’s eyes roved over the bleachers, spotting Donna and Alan. They were grinning. He also spotted the college football recruiters, who were most decidedly not. “But--”

 

“Hey.” Jensen tipped Jared’s chin up with his finger, still smiling softly. “It’s gonna be okay, I promise. Now, dance with me.”

 

So Jared danced.

 

***

 

Homecoming was that evening. Donna and Alan came up to Jared after the dance, complimenting his form and teasing him for his silly beanie. They drove him home, but only let him inside after gifting him with a beautiful navy blue suit that was just his size. He cried on the front stoop while Jensen introduced Momma to Mr. and Mrs. Ackles. They all greeted each other warmly, Sadie and Harley coming over to say hello, too.

 

Jared ran upstairs to get changed. Jensen changed in the downstairs bathroom. When Jared had everything done--except his tie, he couldn’t quite figure out how to tie one--he shifted restlessly in front of the mirror, leaning side-to-side to look at himself from every angle.

 

He had beanie hair, and attempts to revitalize the mass seemed to make the issue worse. He was sweaty and half pink, half turned white from the chill. The suit fit pretty well, but he had small hips and big shoulders, making his shirt and pants loose around his waist.

 

He looked like an awkward giraffe had a baby with an isosceles triangle. 

 

A knock at the door startled him. “You ready yet, Jay baby?” Momma called out from the hallway.

 

Jared gave his appearance one last dissatisfied once over before he unlocked the door. Momma’s eyes widened, and her hand went to Jared’s face. “Sweetheart,” she gasped. Her eyes went shiny. “You’re growing up, aren’t you? Lemme get a good look at you.”

 

Momma stared at him long enough for her eyes to fill with tears. She hugged him tightly, and Jared felt something get stuck in his throat as she clung to him. He’d never realized before that he was bigger than her. She tied his tie for him and patted him on the cheek.

 

A door opened and closed downstairs. “That’ll be Jensen,” Momma said, stepping back and discretely wiping her eyes. “Let’s go see that dashing man, okay?”

 

Without waiting for a response, Momma took his hand and led him slowly down the stairs. Jensen, clad in a black tuxedo and bowtie, and Donna and Alan, all looked up as he paraded over to them. He was met with applause, “ooh”s and “ahh”s from Donna and Alan, and an unblinking stare from Jensen.

 

When he got downstairs, Jensen took both his hands in his own. He used his nose to brush Jared’s bangs out of his face, which made Jared laugh. “You look… incredible,” Jensen said in a low voice, eyes full of wonder. “You’re so beautiful.”

 

“You’re not too shabby yourself,” Jared teased, but any further jokes went dry in his mouth. At this distance, the freckles dusted across Jensen’s nose stood out, and his eyes seemed greener than ever. His suit was perfect for him, only accentuating the muscles and curves of his body.

 

Jensen knew when Jared went from polite to ogling, and his smile went dark and cocky. He stepped away, his face transforming in a flash to a bright, safe for work smile. “Sherri, do you wanna take some pictures?”

 

Momma clicked her tongue. “Of course I do,” she said, pulling out a disposable camera from who knows where. “I just thought I’d give you boys some space first.”

 

Jared went red, and he was pretty sure he was still red in every single one of the million photos that Alan and Momma took. They made Jared and Jensen do poses, recreated Jared coming down the stairs, and took a billion photos of them hand in hand. Jared’s feet were starting to bother him. “Mommaaaaa,” he complained. “We’re gonna miss the whole dance at this rate.”

 

Momma put her camera away, though she didn’t look happy about it. “Alright, alright,” she said. “We’d better get you boys on your way. Donna, Alan, look after those boys.”

 

Alan put his arms up in a “what can you do” pose. “We’ll try,” he said in a tone that had Jensen coughing. They were herded into Alan’s luxury SUV, which deposited them right in front of school with much fanfare. 

 

Waiting outside the school doors were Chad, Sandy… and Kallie.

 

Jensen held the car door open for Jared, and Jared stepped out, still eying the strange arrival crew. While he watched, Ashley T. came out of the building in a pink chiffon dress and hurried over to Kallie’s side.

 

Once Jared was within arm’s reach, Kallie was squeezing his hand. “Jared, thank you so much for doing this,” she said. “My parents aren’t as understanding as yours and Jensen’s.”

 

It was then Jared understood. Kallie and Ashley stood linked arm in arm, smiling at each other like idiots. Jensen nudged Jared. “Already took pictures with Kallie at her place,” he said. “For her parents.”

 

Jared smiled at Kallie, seeing her in a new way. “No problem,” he said. “You two crazy cats have fun.”

 

Kallie and Ashley smiled at him in thanks and then chased each other into the school, Ashley holding Kallie’s corsage hostage. 

 

Sandy and Chad wore matching sky blue suits. 

 

Chad was pouting. “This was supposed to be our thing,” he said, making a triangle gesture between himself, Sandy, and Jared. “But your big dorko boyfriend messed it all up.”

 

“What we mean to say is, we’re happy for you, Jay,” Sandy said, squeezing Jared’s arm. “But we also want all the disgusting details right after.”

 

Jared choked on nothing, and while he stood there wide-eyed, Sandy cackled, she and Chad disappearing inside.

 

Then, it was just Jensen and Jared.

 

Jared looked at Jensen askance. “Did you hear any of--”

 

“The whole thing,” Jensen confirmed, looking far too pleased with himself. “The whole thing.”

 

Inside, the gymnasium had been transformed into an underwater paradise. The lights were all tinted blue, and jellyfish and other aquatic-colored streamers hung from the ceiling. There was a disco ball, a photo session where couples could stand in cut outs of Ariel and Eric from _ The Little Mermaid _ , and paper mache decorations dotting the tables that looked like starfish, dolphins, and seahorses.

 

It was all homemade, but it was still beautiful to Jared.

 

Jensen led him by the hand out to the middle of the dance floor. They danced for a while, both with two left feet, laughing and teasing each other. When they worked up a sweat, Jensen drew Jared over to the punch table and poured Jared some punch and a slice of cake, refusing to let Jared do anything for himself, bowing low every time he handed Jared something. Jared was a blushy mess.

 

They hip-checked to fast songs and held each other closely to slow songs. Jensen was in Jared’s space almost constantly, and Jared wasn’t nervous, wasn’t running out of energy. He couldn’t stop smiling at Jensen, sharing little kisses every now and then.

 

The DJ stopped the music near the end of the night to announce the winners of the prom king and queen votes. He looked down at the papers in his hand, then back up at the audience. “Looks like we have two queens this year,” he said, to the murmured surprise of the audience. “Everybody give it up for Kalliope and Ashley!”

 

Kallie and Ashley screamed in unison, hopping onstage while everyone clapped and cheered for them. They gave an emotional speech and directed the DJ to “drop the beat,” which he did promptly. 

 

While the rest of the school danced, Jensen snuck Jared out the back door and they jogged over to the darkened football stadium. Jared’s body was alight with the thrill of it, and Jensen draped his coat over Jared’s shoulders when Jared began to shiver.

 

They sat on the empty bleachers together, pressed closely together, looking up at the stars.

 

Jensen turned to face Jared, nudging Jared’s cheek with his nose. “Well?” he said.

 

Jared brushed his cheek against Jensen’s like a cat. “This… tonight has been perfect,” Jared said. “I just. Thank you. I’m so proud of you.”

 

“It’s not over yet,” Jensen said. He pulled a pile of papers out from under the seat and handed it to Jared.

 

Jared looked down at the sheets in confusion. “What--?”

 

“Read them,” Jensen said.

 

Jared peered down at the letters visible in the moonlight. They were college applications. He gave Jensen another confused look, but Jensen waved him on. 

 

Jared looked at the school names. Tisch. School of Dramatic Arts. School of Performing Arts. He looked at the majors Jensen checked. Performing Arts, Dramatic Arts, Theatre, Stage Production, Playwriting, on and on.

 

Jared looked up at Jensen in wonder. “You--”

 

“I told my parents,” he said. “I think my top school is NYU, but wherever you--”

 

Jared threw his arms around Jensen and kissed him. He kissed him over and over again, their kisses bracketed by excited laughter. Jared stopped only to catch his breath. He cupped Jensen’s face, rubbing at Jensen’s freckles with his thumbs. “I know I keep saying this, but I am so proud of you,” he said. “You have no idea.”

 

Jensen smiled softly at Jared. “You’ll come visit?”

 

“All the time,” Jared promised. “Hell, I’ll graduate early, we’ll get an apartment--”

 

“All in good time, tiger,” Jensen laughed. His voice dropped as he tucked the applications into his jacket, having to brush Jared’s side as he did so. “For now, though…”

 

He held Jared firmly by the waist, and drew him into a wet, passionate kiss, pressing his tongue into Jared’s mouth. Jared’s body went hot, and he shivered, hands clinging to Jensen’s shirt as he kissed back with all his might.

 

Jensen growled down Jared’s throat, hands tightening possessively around Jared’s hips. Jared’s heart was beating like crazy, heating up his whole body, and he tried to meet Jensen move for move, their tongues tangling together.

 

Jensen pulled away, wiping saliva off Jared’s bottom lip with his thumb while Jared stared at him in a daze. “As much fun as this is, I’m frickin’ freezing,” Jensen said with a smile. “Shall we?”

 

Jared’s heart, which had just begun to adjust to the pace of things, picked up again. “Wait--where--”

 

Jensen helped Jared stand. They headed down the bleachers. “My house,” Jensen said. “My room. If you want.”

 

Jared swallowed. Anxiety threatened to freeze him over, but he nodded, smiling and laughing and still fucking blushing even as snow began to fell. “Yes. Yeah,” he said. “Let’s.”

 

Jensen lit up, drawing Jared across the field and around the school to the front drive. Alan was already waiting in his SUV, and just a few minutes later, they were kicking off their boots in Jensen’s front hall, rubbing chilly hands together and laughing quietly.

 

The house was big and empty. Mac and Josh weren’t home, and Donna and Alan were experts at making themselves scarce. Jensen led Jared up the staircase, the soft carpet tickling Jared’s toes. 

 

The next thing he knew was Jensen pushing him down onto the bed. Jensen followed him down, kissing him into the pillows. Jensen’s hands were at work the whole time, undressing Jared, and Jared had no idea how Jensen did it. Jared’s hands were shaking, tentatively touching Jensen all over, lacking the coordination to do anything productive.

 

After Jensen got Jared naked, he sat up and started throwing his own clothes off, yanking his bowtie off with an irritated noise. Before long, he was naked, too. Jared wanted to stare, but Jensen was on him again, and his kisses were like oxygen, like some fucking drug, eating up Jared’s brainpower.

 

Jared found enough self awareness to tap Jensen’s collarbone. Jensen lifted up, tilting his head.

 

Jared swallowed, trying to find the words. “What are we doing?” he settled on, his voice cracking slightly. “I mean--I’ve never--and your parents, you were so scared--”

 

“Jay. Jay. Jay, baby, shh,” Jensen said. He blinked. “Wait, you’re a virgin?”

 

Jared avoided Jensen’s incredulous look. “Um, yes,” he said. “You were my first kiss.”

 

Jensen’s eyes went big. “First kiss? Like. Onstage? For the play?”

 

Jared nodded.

 

“Jesus,” Jensen said. “You seemed like a natural, Jay. You know we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, right? We can just--”

 

Jensen started leaning back, and Jared chased after him. “I want to,” Jared managed. “Jen, I wanna. I’m just.” Jared shrugged. “I dunno. And your parents… how…”

 

Jensen smiled patiently. “I think they’re expecting a first kiss tonight,” he said. “And yeah, I was scared of their reaction. But they knew. Probably even before me. They’re still dealing with the whole theater kid thing. Apparently that’s worse than being gay. But they promised to support me. It’s not perfect, but. They love you, Jay. They’d be happy for me no matter what gender you are. That’s how much of a catch you are.”

 

Jared smiled back at that. “Just don’t wanna make things worse,” he said. “I just want you to be happy.”

 

Jensen cupped Jared’s face. “I am happy,” he said.

 

He kissed Jared again.

 

And again, and again, and again.

 

Jared lost track of time. He lost himself in the sensations, in the feel and scent of Jensen all around him. He sat up, drawing Jensen up with him, then broke apart another kiss, electing to stare down at Jensen instead.

 

Jared bit his lip. “Can I look?”

 

Jensen’s gaze was hungry. “Only if I can, too, ‘cause christ.”

 

Jared nodded. 

 

He let his eyes wander, trying to push down his self conscious feelings as Jensen did the same to him. He ran his eyes across Jensen’s strong arms, his toned pecs and perked little nipples. He ogled the definition of Jensen’s tummy, the dusty happy trail below.

 

He looked down some more.

 

Jensen’s cock was hard and getting harder as he watched, curling up against Jensen’s belly button. It was thick and pink, wet at the head.

 

“Jesus,” Jensen whispered. “You’re huge.”

 

Jared blushed. He looked down at his own softer tummy, his small waist and skinny legs. Jensen’s eyes were stuck on his dick, which was ridiculously hard, and yes, longer than Jensen’s. Still, the worship in Jensen’s voice felt undeserved. If anyone deserved it, it was Jensen.

 

“Can I touch?” Jensen asked, stopping Jared’s thoughts in their tracks.

 

Jared nodded shyly. “Can--can I…?”

 

“Course,” Jensen said. “It’s easy. Just touch me how you like to touch yourself.”

 

How you like to touch yourself. Jared shivered. He didn’t touch himself often, but he could follow those instructions. He reached out slowly, movements unsure, and wrapped his fingers around Jensen’s length. It was hot to the touch and twitched against his palm.

 

Jensen shivered. “Christ,” he swore. “That’s good. What about this?”

 

Jensen ran his calloused fingers up and down the underside of Jared’s cock, paying special attention to the sensitive head. Jared bodily shivered, eyes rolling up in his head. A desperate moan escaped him without his permission, and he opened his mouth to apologize, but Jensen had other ideas, kissing him and jerking him roughly at the same time. 

 

Jared whimpered, getting with the program, moving his hand up and down Jensen’s length, too, encouraged by the guttural, choked-off sounds Jensen was making. He liked touching Jensen. He liked being touched by Jensen. 

 

It was over far too soon, though, and Jensen let go of him and sat back, a hand playing with his hipbone. Jensen bit his lip. “Baby…” he trailed off. “Can we. I want to know all of you, baby, can we go all the way?”

 

Jared’s mouth went dry. This is what he’d been fantasizing about for months. He nodded, unable to speak. Jensen gently pushed him onto his back, taking him by the ankle and spreading his legs, making Jared raise his knees so Jensen could sit bracketed between Jared’s legs.

 

Jared was blushing endlessly, feeling so wildly exposed and vulnerable. Jensen’s hands were rubbing at his sides, Jensen’s eyes eating up every inch of Jared’s body, making him feel sexy.

 

Jensen leaned to the side, reaching across Jared and into his nightstand. He pulled out a little bottle of lube and a condom. “I, uh, didn’t think I’d be using these,” he coughed, smiling awkwardly, making Jared feel a little more comfortable. “But we’re gonna, yeah?”

 

Jared nodded. “Yeah.”

 

“Good,” Jensen murmured. One of his hands rubbed at the inside of Jared’s thigh. “Okay, I’m gonna get started. You tell me if I need to stop, okay?”

 

Jared nodded again. He watched as Jensen opened the lube and smeared it across his fingers. His free hand slid down Jared’s leg, past his cock, and down to his hole. Jared tensed, but Jensen murmured comforting nothings, massaging Jared’s skin, and he relaxed.

 

A moment later, cool lube pressed against his opening. He closed his eyes, breathing out, trusting Jensen, giving in to the sensations. Jensen didn’t press in at first, just rubbed a generous amount of lube around the area, and even that felt good. Jensen took breaks to stroke Jared’s cock, and that felt good, too.

 

The tip of Jensen’s finger pressed in. Jared bore down instinctively; it made things burn. Jensen pulled his finger out. “Gotta relax, sweetheart,” he said. “You trust me?”

 

Jared nodded.

 

“Wanna hear it.”

 

“I trust you,” Jared croaked. “I’m just--”

 

“I know,” Jensen said. “I’ve never done this before. I’ve done other things, but. Um. Right there with you,” he said. “Ready?”

 

Jared nodded. This time, when Jensen pressed his slick finger inside, Jared was ready, and he closed his eyes while Jensen massaged at his insides.

 

Jensen took frequent breaks to touch Jared all over or kiss him gently. He made sure Jared was completely relaxed, and asked him all the time how he was doing. Jared’s voice grew stronger the more it went on. 

 

Something happened the next time Jensen put his finger in and Jared choked. “There,” he gasped. “D-do that again.”

 

Jensen complied, itching the spot inside him, and Jared squirmed, gasping and panting.

 

“Well I’ll be damned,” Jensen chuckled. “There it is.”

 

He frustrated Jared, then, purposefully leaving off the spot or surprising him with a deep thrust of his entire finger, brushing up against it and arching Jared’s back like he’d been shocked with an electrical current. 

 

Jared lost himself in the sensations, of Jensen teasing him, making him go crazy. Before long, he had two fingers in him, then three.

 

Jensen pulled out, resting both of his hands on the insides of Jared’s thighs. One hand crept down to play with his balls. “I think we might be ready,” Jensen said. “You good, babe?”

 

Jared nodded hard enough to mess up his hair. “Want it,” he gasped.

 

“Fuck,” Jensen said. “Hold on.”

 

With shaking hands, Jensen ripped open the condom package and rolled it down onto his wet cock. Jared propped himself up on his elbows to watch, saliva filling his mouth. He leaned back when Jensen crawled over him. Jensen grabbed at the insides of Jared’s knees and threw Jared’s legs up over his back. He used a hand to guide his cock inside Jared.

 

It burned at first, Jensen’s cock a bigger intrusion than his fingers at far. Jensen read Jared’s emotions easily, going slowly, taking breaks, playing with Jared’s cock and balls. He flicked one of Jared’s nipples and Jared almost came, blindsided by the sensitivity there.

 

He felt awkward then, hiding his face, but Jensen laughed, telling him it was sexy, and then Jared was laughing, too. He felt so comfortable with Jensen. He felt so loved.

 

Jensen distracted Jared as he pushed deeper inside by sucking on Jared’s nipples one at a time. Jensen fully seated himself in Jared’s ass, one hand rubbing the head of Jared’s cock, one hand in Jared’s hair, mouth on his nipples.

 

Jared was overstimulated in the best way. He couldn’t censor his moans and whines, stretching out across the bed while Jensen had his way with him. After a time, Jensen switched from Jared’s nipples in favor of attacking his mouth, rocking gently inside him. They broke apart to add a little more lube and share more nervous laughter, and then Jensen was back in, and Jared wrapped his arms and legs around Jensen’s torso, squeezing him close.

 

Jensen started moving in earnest, and Jared almost passed out and ascended to another dimension. He was sweating heavily, now, panting like a dog. “That… Jen… please…” he whined, and Jensen growled in response, fucking Jared deeper, harder.

 

It was heaven. Every wet noise or punched out gasp was paradise.

 

Jared kissed all his love into Jensen, pulling on his own cock, giving into the waves of sensation, riding them out and anticipating the next ones. Their kisses grew dirtier and dirtier, Jensen biting at Jared’s lips and neck. Jensen’s thrusts grew more erratic, more desperate, punching in and out of Jared with bitten off moans. Jared was crying from overstimulation, and he almost screamed when Jensen adjusted his angle and started nailing that sweet spot inside him dead on with every thrust.

 

They worked on the rhythm together, holding each other tightly and giving in to the electric current locking them together. They came together, Jared sobbing into Jensen’s mouth, Jensen panting, hands shaking and skittering as they caressed Jared’s hair.

 

After, Jensen pulled out slowly and flopped out next to Jared. They lay side by side for an indeterminable amount of time, staring up at the ceiling and floating back into their bodies. Jensen got up at some point to discreetly dispose of the condom and clean them up with a wet washcloth. They got back into their boxers and Jensen turned the heater on, snuggling up with Jared and drawing the covers up over their bodies.

 

Jared was exhausted. He was flying high but absolutely pooped. He let Jensen manhandle him, pressing him up against Jensen’s chest. He wrapped his arms around Jensen, yawning. Jensen kissed the top of his head. “Sleep,” he murmured.

 

So Jared did.

 

***

 

In the morning, they fucked again, forgoing the condom, trusting each other. It was another experience altogether to feel Jensen’s cock against his hole, and the foreplay and opening of him up was faster this time. So was the sex. It was more a desperate, reaffirming rut this time, both hiding moans in each other’s sweaty skin before coming together.

 

They managed to separate and shower and brush their teeth before Donna came in the room with waffles and orange juice. They shared looks over the breakfast table, which Josh teased them mercilessly about. For once, Jensen was blushing as much as Jared was.

 

Since it was the weekend, the football game was over, the play was over, and the big test in English was over, they finally had some time to themselves with no expectations lurking over their shoulders. They went over to Jared’s house, doubling up on breakfast with Momma’s pancakes. They played with Sadie and Harley for a while, then holed up in Jared’s room to make out. 

 

They spent the evening going to a movie and dinner with Chad and Sandy. Their PDA was pointed out to them, and Chad made about two dirty jokes per minute.

 

It was perfect.

 

Jared was over the moon.

 

He’d started that school year unsure of himself, riddled with doubt. He’d hated Jensen, hated the school, felt alone except for Chad and Sandy.

 

Now, he was a different person. Jensen had nurtured a newfound confidence in him, and Jared had gotten happier and smiled more freely the more it grew inside him. They got through tests, drama, and opening weekend together. They got through Newton and Mr. Ellis, and the Cheer Fear Squad, which Jared knew weren’t really so bad, despite a few bad eggs.

 

He found love. He found safety. He found acceptance. And Jensen had, too, going from so sure of his parent’s path to blowing that side of him to pieces, finding himself along the way.

 

School would start again on Monday, but he was ready. And only two weeks after that came winter break, and with it, endless possibilities of fun and nights alone with Jensen’s body.

 

The future was daunting and uncertain. And yet Jared knew that with his friends and family, and most importantly, with Jensen, he would be able to face it without fear holding him back.

 

Jared was ready.

 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you guys so much for sticking with me and reading my stuff. I know it's been a hot minute! More things to come!
> 
> Love you guys <3


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